Creating a Culture of Courage: Colleen Slaughter of Authentic Leadership International On How Authenticity Benefits People and Profits in the Workplace

Creating a Culture of Courage: Colleen Slaughter of ALI On How Authenticity Benefits People and Profits in the Workplace

June 25, 2025ColleenLeadershipLeave a comment

Originally posted on Medium as a Guest Article with interviewer Vanessa Ogle and Colleen Slaughter

Finally, authenticity has a ripple effect. When organizations lead with transparency and heart, they inspire other businesses, industries, and communities to raise their standards too. Authenticity isn’t just good ethics. It’s good strategy.

.  .  .

Authentic Strategies for Women in Leadership

Colleen Slaughter of ALI on How We Can Increase Women’s Engagement in Leadership and Management

June 18, 2025ColleenLeadershipLeave a comment

Originally posted on Medium as a Guest Article with interviewer Vanessa Ogle and Colleen Slaughter

Despite these challenges, women continue to rise. When women bring their full selves — their wisdom, compassion, and resilience — into leadership, they don’t just fill seats at the table.

.  .  .

Despite strides towards equality, women remain underrepresented in leadership and management roles across various sectors. In this series, we would like to discuss the barriers to female advancement in these areas and explore actionable strategies for change. We are talking with accomplished women leaders, executives, and pioneers who have navigated these challenges successfully, to hear their experiences, tactics, and advice to inspire and guide the next generation of women toward achieving their full potential in leadership and management roles. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Colleen Slaughter.

Colleen Slaughter uses her expertise to guide international leaders as they attain the clarity, courage, and self-confidence necessary to realize higher levels of productivity and fulfillment in both their personal and professional lives.

Colleen’s purpose is to facilitate her clients’ transformation from limiting beliefs and self-doubts into a deeper, more powerful knowingness of how much they — and what they envision for themselves — truly matter. Her passion is instilling leaders with the clarity, courage, and confidence they need to uncover and live their highest purpose so the whole system can flourish and evolve.

Fostering human connection and compassion, and challenging conventional mindsets are ways Colleen creates impact. Clients often attribute her calm, open nature and her ability to articulate complex subjects in easy-to-understand terms as catalysts for meaningful insights, increased enthusiasm at work, and deepened relationships.

Colleen’s experience working abroad across diverse cultures and industries gives her an uncanny ability to help individuals achieve the deep, lasting transformation they need to flourish. Clients move toward real change through a clear understanding of their goals and by aligning intention and attention with their core values.

From being nicknamed “Miss Independent” at an early age to moving to Paris alone at 21 — with no money and without speaking the language — Colleen knows about making bolder moves. Yet she is no stranger to self-doubt, often saying that at one point in her life, it felt like she was surrounded by the word “no.”

Colleen considers herself a “rebel with a good cause,” meaning she doesn’t hesitate to go against the grain when the right-thing-to-do instinct dictates. Clients find her highly relatable and credit their ability to reconnect with their true, authentic selves to the trusting relationship established through their work together.

As a Senior Executive Coach, Top Team Facilitator, and Leadership Development Advisor, Colleen serves leaders and top teams focused on innovation, growth, leading through uncertainty, and making a positive difference, including the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize recipients, Fortune 500 executives, and startups.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?

I’ve always been fascinated with human development. As early as twelve years old, I was devouring self-help books. Later, I embarked on my own personal development journey. Becoming the best version of myself has always felt like part of my DNA.

Over twenty years ago, while witnessing the Price Waterhouse / Coopers & Lybrand merger firsthand, I became fascinated by how people were managed during massive transitions. As a “mere” secretary at the time, I realized I needed more credibility to influence change, so I pursued an MBA at HEC Paris — a nearly unheard-of leap in France.

Following HEC, I worked in Paris as a change management consultant, where I first heard about professional coaching. My body lit up just hearing about it. Eventually, back in the U.S., I attended the Newfield Network, a coaching school that emphasized embodied leadership. Midway through, I realized coaching wasn’t just a skill to add to my resume — it was my true calling.

Founding my leadership development practice allowed me to combine my two professional loves: human development and entrepreneurship. Along the way, I also deepened my facilitation skills, learning from inspirational figures like Gita Bellin. Given my own journey, helping women leaders to succeed has been a natural and joyful fit.

What’s the most interesting story since you began your career?

Applying to HEC Paris as a secretary stands out. It challenged others’ perceptions of what “mere secretaries” could achieve. I still remember the surprised faces of law firm partners and associates when they learned I was leaving to pursue a full-time MBA at such a prestigious school.

I share this story to remind anyone reading: You can create any reality you put your heart, mind, and soul into. The only real limitations are the ones we place on ourselves.

Can you share a pivotal moment that influenced your path to leadership?

It began with trusted people reflecting my strengths back to me: “You’re under-employed,” “You’re a true leader.” At first, those comments felt foreign. But over time, and with consistent encouragement, I started to believe them.

This external affirmation was mirrored by an internal knowing — the lightness I felt discovering coaching, the “yes” when moving to Paris, the deep resonance joining the Aberkyn network. Even during moments of doubt, signs kept showing up to stay the course.

Most recently, the sudden loss of my beloved Josh cracked me open even further. That profound love and heartbreak deepened my commitment to lead with even more compassion and humanity.

My leadership journey hasn’t been a straight line; it’s been a continual unfolding shaped by resilience, purpose, and love.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Is there someone you’re grateful to for helping you get where you are?

Absolutely. My life and work have been deeply shaped by my time with Gita Bellin and Lisa Doig. Initially, my ego resisted their teachings, but thankfully, my desire for growth won out.

Both women “live the work,” embodying purpose and radiance. Their guidance, patience, and unconditional love have been pivotal. Thanks to their example, I aspire to help others transform with the same grace and authenticity they modeled for me.

Is there a particular book that had a major impact on you?

One particular talk — Marisa Peer’s Crash Course for Phenomenal Success — has been life-changing. Hearing “I am enough” grounds me. It reminds me that true leadership starts from wholeness, not striving. When we lead from that place, we inspire others to shine in their own unique ways.

What’s your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”?

Maya Angelou’s quote:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This idea profoundly shifted how I show up. Early in my career, my directness sometimes alienated people despite my good intentions. Focusing on the experience people have with me helped me become not only a more effective leader, but a more compassionate human being.

How have you used your success to make the world a better place?

My definition of success is making the world a better place. Through coaching from my own lived experiences, I help leaders — especially women — rise beyond self-doubt and into their true calling.

Whether working with Adult Daughters of Alcoholics or coaching executives, my focus is always on service. When we make it about lifting others, the “me-me-me” worries fade, and real change happens.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. According to this report, only about 31.7% of top executive positions across industries are held by women. This reflects great historical progress, but it also shows that more work still has to be done to empower women. In your opinion and experience what is currently holding back women from leadership and management?

In my experience, what often holds women back isn’t a lack of ability — it’s a combination of external barriers and deeply internalized patterns we are only now beginning to fully name and heal.

Many workplace systems were simply not designed with women’s leadership styles in mind. Historically, leadership was defined by traits like visibility, assertiveness, and competition — while undervaluing collaboration, emotional intelligence, and quiet strength.

Today, as women rise, we’re not just stepping into existing leadership models — we’re reshaping what leadership can look like.

Another major barrier is lack of sponsorship. While mentorship is valuable, what women often need most is someone advocating for them behind closed doors, saying, “She’s ready.” Without this advocacy, even highly capable women can be overlooked.

There’s also the internal landscape: years of subtle social messaging have left even brilliant women doubting whether they are “ready enough” or “good enough” to lead. But readiness, as I see time and again, is built through courage — not perfection.
The women I see thrive are the ones who dare to step forward before they feel fully ready.

Finally, we cannot ignore the pressure women face balancing careers with caregiving and emotional labor. It’s not simply about work-life balance — it’s about evolving systems that ask women to carry more without acknowledgment.

And yet, despite these challenges, women continue to rise. When women bring their full selves — their wisdom, compassion, and resilience — into leadership, they don’t just fill seats at the table.

We change the shape of the table itself.

The future of leadership is more human, more inclusive, and more heart-driven — and women are right at the center of that transformation.

This might be intuitive to you, but I think it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you share a few reasons why more women should become leaders and managers?

Absolutely — there are three core reasons why we need more women leading:

1. Because the World Needs More Heart-Centered Leadership

Today’s urgent global challenges — economic inequality, climate change, mental health crises — require leadership rooted in humanity and purpose.
Women often naturally lead with:

  • Purpose over ego
  • Collaboration over competition
  • Long-term vision over short-term wins

By bringing more women into leadership, we build organizations — and societies — that are more compassionate, courageous, and future-ready.

Examples of women who lead with heart include:
🌍 Malala Yousafzai — Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Advocate for Girls’ Education
🖤 Leena Nair — CEO of Chanel, Former Chief Human Resources Officer at Unilever
👏 Indra Nooyi — Former CEO of PepsiCo

Each of these women exemplifies leading with emotional intelligence, courage, and service beyond self.

2. Because Women Lead Exceptionally Well

Research consistently shows women leaders:

  • Foster stronger team cohesion
  • Lead with empathy and understanding
  • Communicate transparently
  • Create psychologically safe environments where others thrive

In fact, a Harvard Business Review study found that women scored higher than men on 17 out of 19 key leadership competencies — including resilience, initiative, and integrity.

Examples include:
🌍 Jacinda Ardern — Former Prime Minister of New Zealand (led her nation with extraordinary empathy and effectiveness during Covid)
✊ Melinda French Gates — Philanthropist, gender equity advocate, and Co-Chair of the Gates Foundation
💼 Mary Barra — CEO of General Motors, who is successfully driving GM’s transformation toward electric vehicles while reshaping its culture

3. Because Diverse Leadership Teams Perform Better

Organizations with diverse leadership — including more women — outperform others:

  • 21% more likely to outperform on profitability (McKinsey, Delivering Through Diversity)
  • 27% more likely to create superior value
  • 87% better decision-making in diverse teams versus individual decision-makers (Cloverpop study)

When leadership mirrors the diversity of the real world, businesses are smarter, more innovative, and better positioned for the future.

Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share “5 Things We Need To Increase Women’s Engagement in Leadership and Management?” If you can, please share an example or story for each.

When we talk about increasing women’s engagement, it’s important to remember: Women are not lacking talent, ambition, or capability.

What’s often missing is the environment that unleashes their potential.

Here are five things we need to create that environment — with real examples:

1. We Need More Visible Role Models

“You can’t be what you can’t see.”
When women see others leading authentically, it expands what they believe is possible.

Example:
Early in my leadership journey, seeing senior women lead with empathy gave me permission to do the same — not just mimic traditional models.

2. We Need Authentic Sponsorship, Not Just Mentorship

Mentorship gives advice; sponsorship opens doors.

Example:
A senior leader once used his influence to advocate for me — opening opportunities I couldn’t reach alone. Advocacy changes trajectories.

3. We Need to Normalize Imperfection and Courage Over Readiness

Leadership isn’t about waiting until you feel ready — it’s about stepping forward anyway.

Example:
Before my first global keynote, every instinct said I wasn’t ready. But stepping up grew me into the leader that opportunity called for.

4. We Need Workplace Cultures That Value Humanity, Not Just Hustle

Organizations must celebrate emotional intelligence and long-term vision.

Example:
I worked with a company that added relational skills into performance reviews — and watched women (and men) rise and thrive.

5. We Need Safe Spaces for Women to Heal and Rise

Leadership often requires healing from past self-doubt and reclaiming voice.

Example:
One client, once riddled with self-doubt, rose into national leadership after working in a space where her authentic greatness was seen and nurtured.

At the heart of it:

Empowering more women leaders is about building spaces where women rise not despite who they are — but because of who they are.

Women’s leadership isn’t a trend. It’s a revolution.

And when women lead with courage and clarity, they don’t just change companies — they change what leadership itself means.

In your opinion, what systemic changes are needed to facilitate more equitable access for women to leadership roles?

True systemic change — not just individual effort — is needed to create equitable access for women in leadership.

Here’s what I believe must change:

1. We Need to Redefine What Leadership Looks Like

For too long, leadership has been narrowly defined — rewarding dominance, constant availability, and competition.
True equity requires honoring other forms of leadership: emotional intelligence, collaboration, resilience, and long-term vision — qualities women often bring naturally and abundantly.

2. We Need to Redesign How We Measure Readiness and Potential

Leadership pipelines often reward visibility and self-promotion over true impact.
We must intentionally recognize quieter forms of influence, consistent team-building, and the ability to lead effectively through challenges — even if it’s not always the loudest voice in the room.

3. We Need to Restructure Workplaces for Real Life

Flexibility must not be seen as a “perk” — it should be seen as a leadership strength.
Organizations that prioritize balance and well-being not only retain more women but also elevate their most talented leaders across the board.

4. Sponsorship Must Become a Leadership Responsibility

Mentorship matters, but sponsorship changes lives.
Leaders must actively advocate for women, putting their names forward for critical opportunities and championing them behind closed doors. Equity will not happen by accident — it demands deliberate action.

5. We Must Reframe Success Around Impact, Not Image

Women and all leaders should be valued not by how well they fit an outdated mold, but by the meaningful difference they make: in results, in culture, and in people’s lives.

In short: Equity in leadership isn’t about women reshaping themselves to fit outdated systems. It’s about evolving the systems to finally recognize and reward the full, transformative power of women’s leadership.

What strategies have you found most effective in mentoring and supporting other women to pursue leadership positions?

One of the greatest joys of my career has been mentoring women to step into leadership — often into spaces where they didn’t yet see themselves.

Over time, I’ve found a few strategies especially powerful:

1. See Their Greatness Before They Do

Often, women hesitate not because they aren’t ready — but because they can’t yet see the leader they already are. One of the most effective strategies I use is consistently reflecting back the strength, vision, and brilliance I see in them.

Example:
I once worked with a woman quietly transforming her organization behind the scenes, yet she didn’t view herself as a “real” leader. By naming her impact and encouraging her to apply for a promotion she initially resisted, she rose — and today, she leads a national division.

2. Normalize Fear (and Encourage Action Anyway)

Fear isn’t the enemy — thinking we’re the only ones feeling it is.

I share openly that fear, doubt, and imposter moments are part of everyone’s leadership journey. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear — it’s to move forward alongside it.

Example:
Before a major speaking event, a brilliant client wanted to cancel due to nerves. We reframed her fear as evidence she was stretching into her next level. She went on to deliver a powerful talk — and earned new leadership opportunities as a result.

3. Sponsor, Not Just Mentor

Advice is valuable. Action changes lives.

I look for real-world opportunities to introduce, recommend, and advocate for women — especially in rooms where they aren’t yet present.

Example:
Whenever I’m invited to projects or leadership circles, I make it a practice to bring another woman’s name forward — especially women whose talent deserves broader visibility.

4. Model Imperfect, Authentic Leadership

Perfection isn’t the goal — presence is.

By sharing my own mistakes and lessons learned, I create spaces where others can lead more freely and authentically.

Example:
During a leadership program I facilitated, I opened by sharing a personal story of doubt and failure. That vulnerability shifted the entire room — suddenly, the women there felt free to take courageous risks and claim their leadership.

5. Anchor Their Purpose, Not Just Their Performance

True leadership grows stronger when it’s anchored in “why” — not just “how well” we perform.

Example:
One woman I coached discovered that her true mission wasn’t about status — it was about creating workplaces where others could thrive. Once she connected with that purpose, her leadership became unstoppable and deeply inspiring to others.

How would you advise a woman leader about how to navigate the challenges of being a woman in a leadership role within a male-dominated industry?

I have coached many women leaders in male-dominated industries (which, frankly, most industries still are!).

One poignant example comes to mind: A senior leader at a major plastics company shared how, early on, she felt pressured to “blend in” by making decisions the way she saw men doing. Ignoring her intuition, she hired a candidate who looked perfect on paper — but quickly regretted the choice.

This story highlights what I see so often: When women deny their intuition to fit a mold, they dilute their own brilliance.

The key is not to become “more like them.” It’s to become more fully ourselves.

When I work with women leaders, we focus on compassionately shifting limiting beliefs and gradually expanding their comfort zone.

Authenticity — amplified — is where true leadership power lies.

Leadership, like yoga, invites us to stretch — not to become someone else, but to become more fully who we already are.

How do you balance the demand for authoritative leadership with the stereotypical expectations of female behavior in professional settings?

One common pitfall empathetic leaders face is being mistaken for “soft” or “non-results-driven.”

But the idea that empathy and results cannot coexist is pure myth.
In fact, it’s precisely through empathy that we can drive even greater impact.

Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand, is a shining example of this.

Here’s what I advise:

  • Own your empathy fully – Don’t dim it to appear “tougher.”
  • Understand empathy correctly – It means demonstrating respect for how others feel, not changing how they feel.
  • Lead with both heart and spine – Set clear boundaries and make tough decisions with empathy, not instead of it.

Finally, extend empathy to yourself.
Allow yourself to succeed, to dream bigger, and to lead boldly — not just for others, but for your own fulfillment too.

Empathetic leadership, when paired with clear results, becomes an unstoppable force for good.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

I already have! It’s about normalizing the experience of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

This is a topic no one talks about — and yet it affects 25% of the global population. Just as discussions around LGBTQ+ rights have evolved, it’s time to shed shame and silence around this issue too.

Through my recent master’s thesis at INSEAD, I show how Adult Daughters of Alcoholics in the workplace can shift their self-beliefs — unlocking powerful transformations.

When we bring our hidden stories into the light, we heal. And when we heal, we grow into the leaders and change-makers we were always meant to be.

In this way, I hope to become a kind of Sia or Alanis Morissette of the coaching world — helping others turn their pain into purpose.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

I would love to stay connected! You can find me here:

Please reach out — I would love to hear how this article resonated with you.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.

My pleasure!

I hope my words can spark hope, action, and greater impact.

Always happy to be in these kinds of meaningful conversations. 🌟

.  .  .

About The Interviewer: Vanessa Ogle is a mom, entrepreneur, inventor, writer, and singer/songwriter. Vanessa’s talent in building world-class leadership teams focused on diversity, a culture of service, and innovation through inclusion allowed her to be one of the most acclaimed Latina CEO’s in the last 30 years. She collaborated with the world’s leading technology and content companies such as Netflix, Amazon, HBO, and Broadcom to bring innovative solutions to travelers and hotels around the world. Vanessa is the lead inventor on 120+ U.S. Patents. Accolades include: FAST 100, Entrepreneur 360 Best Companies, Inc. 500 and then another six times on the Inc. 5000. Vanessa was personally honored with Inc. 100 Female Founder’s Award, Ernst and Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year Award, and Enterprising Women of the Year among others. Vanessa now spends her time sharing stories to inspire and give hope through articles, speaking engagements and music. In her spare time she writes and plays music in the Amazon best selling new band HigherHill, teaches surfing clinics, trains dogs, and cheers on her children.

Female Disruptors: Colleen Slaughter of Authentic Leadership International On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry | Authentic Leadership

Female Disruptors: Colleen Slaughter of Authentic Leadership International On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry

February 24, 2025ColleenLeadershipLeave a comment

Originally posted on Medium as a Guest Article with interviewer Dina Aletras and Colleen Slaughter

Surround yourself with inspiring people. We need other people who are ahead of us to light up the path for us. None of us has eyes in the back of our heads. None of us can stay on top of everything all the time — regardless of how well-meaning or capable we are. I am known to be a Visionary and, still, I need people to help me shed stinking thinking, to dream even bigger, and to put the steps in place to making my Vision become a reality (or to give me a reality check! lol). The larger the number of great people we surround ourselves with, the better the chances our personal and professional lives will thrive. As with most everything, I can’t give what I don’t have, so making sure myself to surround myself with inspirational people is one of my top go-to’s.

. . .

As a part of our series about women who are shaking things up in their industry, we had the pleasure of interviewing Colleen Slaughter.

Colleen is an award-winning leadership advisor, professional speaker, writer, and entrepreneur. Her specialty is empowering intentional, values-focused leaders and top teams to shift their limiting beliefs and self-doubt into tangible, inspired action toward their vision and measurable bottom-line results.

She has worked with over 150 intact teams and 500 individual leaders across many sectors and geographies and has racked up over 1600 executive coaching hours. She has helped these leaders, their teams, and those they influence to increase their long-term productivity, impact and fulfillment and, in so doing, make the world a better place as well.

I’ve always been fascinated with human development and entrepreneurship. From delving into self-help books as early as twelve years’ old to embarking on my own personal development journey in my twenties, becoming the best version of myself seems to have always been part of my DNA. Building my own “brand” has gone right alongside that.

Over twenty years ago, I had a front row seat in the Price Waterhouse /Coopers & Lybrand merger and my imagination was captivated by how humans were being dealt with during such a huge transition. I had many ideas of how to do things differently — but seemingly little credibility, as a “mere” secretary at the time. So, I decided to raise my credibility by getting an MBA at one of France’s best business schools.

As an aside, the fact that I had been a secretary while applying to such a school was nearly unheard of in France. To do so meant jumping levels, to say the least! But that’s also part of my DNA: trusting my intuition’s guidance even when it might seem far-fetched. My own success with trusting what I cannot see is why listening to oneself is a big part pf what I encourage the leaders and teams I work with to do. This is one of my trademarks.

After HEC Paris, I began working as a change management consultant with a boutique firm in Paris. This is where I first heard about professional coaching and immediately knew it was for me when my entire body lit up at the mere mention of it. I had found my purpose!

But, even so, it would take me a few years to make the necessary career change toward what I am here to do. At that point, I was back in the US and at a crossroad in my career. Desperate and uncomfortable enough, I did my research and identified the best coaching school for me (Newfield Network) because it offered a wholistic approach to us human coaches and included a focus on messages received from our bodies.

Yet, even then, I still wasn’t convinced I would embrace coaching as a full-on career. My plan at that time was to complete the curriculum and then to re-enter corporate life as an HR Business Partner. But, once again, midway through that training, my body lit up and I knew that I was too in-love with coaching for it to be just a mere feather in my hat: it was to be the whole hat!

Starting my own coaching business was indeed the ticket. The dots began instantly connecting for me: having my own leadership development practice would perfectly combine my two professional loves: human development and entrepreneurship (my MBA major).

Eventually, I also began facilitating transformation and deepening my skills in that area thanks to Gita Bellin’s loving instruction and inspiration from her and the many other world-renowned coaches and facilitators I have been blessed to work with and learn from.

Given my own journey, helping women leaders, in particular, to succeed has been a natural fit: I want to give back what I have received and pay it forward so other women leaders can benefit from my learnings and experience. Now I am building my global practice based on that intention.

Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?

It’s both the work I’m doing and the way I am doing it (aka my personality) that is disruptive to many people.

Leadership advisory isn’t necessarily, in itself, disruptive. After all, a lot of the coaching & consulting out there proves to be quite transactional: focusing on the replacement of a behavior with another behavior, which is not sustainably helpful. It’s like setting a New Year’s resolution: even with all the good will in the world to change our behavior for the better (ever seen a gym in January?), that new behavior tends to not stick unless we get to the root of why we behave the way we do. That’s probably why the gyms are empty by March! Lol.

That’s also why I love truly disrupting people’s behavior by first disrupting their mindsets. Without doing so, no real change can take place. Before all else, I help clients dig deeper to understand and shift their limiting beliefs into ones infinitely more helpful for them and the visions they aspire to create. This thorough process guarantees that those individuals and teams working with me will truly own those leadership traits — and realities — they want and deserve.

This is how leaders can learn to have an easier time having courageous conversations, advocating for themselves, building and nurturing a collaborative, impactful team, etc. In short, they have a easier time being the filler versions of themselves. And, as they role model this new way of being and doing, others get inspired to do the same. How can it get more positively disruptive than that?

Perhaps it’s thanks to my strongly intuitive, courageous, and spunky nature I feel comfortable creating such disruption. Indeed, I see it as part of my purpose to be a force for good in the world.

It’s true, after all, that I am known to name the elephant in the room (always with my clients’ permission, though!) and to continue reminding my dear clients of the version of themselves they say they want to become — even when they’d rather languish in their comfort zones.

My ability to do this for others is probably helped by my doing it with myself all the time.

Some of the bigger examples of my own disruptions with myself are:

  • Being a Kentuckian from a low income, single-parent household and taking off for Paris with little money in my pocket, no job lined up, and never having even traveled abroad. This even though had never lived in an international city before. It’s important to note here that I succeeded in making this international experience work: having lived in France for over 20 years now and having a global business based here.
  • As mentioned above, as “just” a secretary, applying — and getting into — HEC Paris.
  • Researching and composing my master’s thesis on Adult Daughters of Alcoholics in the workplace (as part of the INSEAD EMC) which can be accessed here (bottom of page).. Even using the word “alcoholic” in the business world is probably a shocker for some people. But the fact that I take a stand and bring this research to light — the first of its kind ever in the business world, at least as far as I could find — speaks to how fearless I am in when it comes to benevolent disruption.

I resurface these examples often so that any person reading them can also release any limiting thoughts they might have about themselves or others. We can create any reality we put our heart, mind, and soul to. The only real limitations are our own thinking. Shifting those means shifting what’s possible for us. It also means making the world a better place as the world gets better each time one of us gets even more honest about who we truly are.

Overall, I am a proud Rebel with a Good Cause. I don’t hesitate to go against the grain when the right-thing-to-do dictates a course of action which might be different — and usually is! –from that of the crowd. But I believe I am here to remind people of who we really are — made out of love and higher-level values. Because when we own who we truly are, we show up for ourselves and other very differently, better. This is how the world improves.

And, as Travis Manion said, if I’m not the one to speak up about this stuff, then who will?

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

The funniest mistake I made when I was first starting out was in taking myself way too seriously.

Yes, of course, taking my role seriously is a must to showing up with the excellence for which I strive. But showing up to my clients and colleagues with stiffness is a surefire way for those exchanges to themselves be stiff — the opposite desired effect. My childhood stinking thinking is at the root of my drive for perfection. The idea being that flawlessness was the only way to be good enough: bollocks! Showing up authentically and vulnerably has many more optimal and far-reaching results when it comes to connecting with others.

To help me learn to lighten up more, my mentor coach during my coaching studies at Newfield Network gave me the homework of conducting coaching calls while upside down on my couch (head where my bottom would normally go and feet off the back side where my head normally is). This was before Zoom or Teams and so I could be in such a strange position while on the phone where no one else could see me. And thank goodness! Could you imagine how my coaches would have taken it to see me upside down like that? Hilarious! It was a great task to give me, too. Throughout the coaching, I knew I looked silly and so would frequently smile. I’m sure my coachees could feel the lighter energy. In any case, I certainly did!

Yet, even with that experience, it still took me a whole to shake the “stiffness syndrome.” Years later, at a facilitator development workshop with colleagues I deeply respect, I found myself yet again seriously trying to be perfect. That is, until a mentor said to me, “You know, Colleen, we’re just having a little fun here.” Those words finally did it for me: from that point on, I set a strong intention to shift to greater lightness in the throes of my work and gradually succeeded.

Today, I receive a lot of feedback thanking me for creating safety through my depth and vulnerability and also for making seemingly vague concepts more accessible through — drumroll please — playfulness!

We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?

Yes, my career — and life — have been transformed by my personal and facilitator development work with Gita Bellin (https://gitabellin.com//) and other wonderful teachers like Lisa Doig (https://www.corpevolution.com/). On the professional plane, they are both world-renowned facilitators of transformation — transforming the lives of thousands throughout the world. But I have to say, I was not always such a willing student of theirs: when I first met both, my recalcitrant ego was definitely in charge, and I put blocks to my learning in place. Luckily for me (and, hopefully, those I’ve been able to subsequently help), the part of me that wanted growth won out. That means I could let both women who “live the work.” play an integral part in my own evolution. For these pioneering women leaders don’t just talk about the importance of living our purpose and exuding radiance — they live their lives in that way. A deep inner journey is rarely easy for any of us. Yet, I have always felt inspired, held, and purposeful as I continue the steps forward toward my own actualization. I would not have had half the impact I do today were it not for these women’s guidance. Thanks to this and the unconditional love for all humans they emanate, I will always be grateful to them.

In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive, and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?

Yes, unfortunately, there are indeed examples of negative disruption. Whether disruption is positive or negative all comes down to the level of values driving it.

According to Richard Barrette, Founder of Barrett Values Center, values are the “energetic drivers of our aspirations and intentions.” They are therefore at the heart of why we do what we do.

Therefore, with lower-level values which are usually based on the fear that “me, me, me” won’t get what I want or will lose something I already have, we can be pretty sure that the disruption is not a benevolent one. It can’t be because selfish interests — like greed, ignorance and just plain meanness — are driving it, A great example of this is the presidential candidate which just got re-elected in the US. Few people (if any) can find higher level values like compassion, fairness, wisdom and inclusion within that administration’s platform. For this reason and with so much fear driving it, we can expect many sad outcomes to that sort of disruption.

Luckily, on the other side of fear, there is love. Any disruption based on that — even when it might be uncomfortable, which is the hallmark of any kind of transformation — is benevolent and will therefore have positive consequences. A great example of a positive disruptor is Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand. Under her leadership, the COVID 21 death toll was limited to two, anti-gun laws immediately took hold right after the 2019 Christ church attacks, and New Zealand took a larger step toward zero-carbon emissions. Ardern’s disruption was for the greater good — both present and future. The higher-level values to which she clearly held ensure that her policy outcomes are and will be positive.

In short, whether disruption is good or bad begins and ends with whether love or fear is at its root.

Real leadership — and the good kind of disruption — is about choosing the collective over individual interests. It begins with choosing to live higher-level values regardless of the threats in front of us. That’s how we can be sure our disruptive efforts will have the best outcomes for the world.

Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.

  1. Take exquisite care of yourself. There seems to be a false idea running around — and one I used to subscribe to, too — that we don’t have time for self-care or that taking that time would mean we’re not working hard (and therefore deserving of professional success). What a load of malarkey that one is! It’s not that we can do an even better job despite taking care of ourselves, it’s thanks to taking exquisite care of ourselves that our careers can thrive even more. We are, after all, running the marathons of our lives and careers here. To try to run them at the pace of a sprint and without the necessary water breaks is just a set-up for disaster. We need — and deserve — nurturance. What’s more, it’s that sense of greater wholeness that fuels us to show up even more powerfully and inspirationally.
  2. Align with your Purpose. When I first started my business, it was all about “me, me, me, me” (how many clients could I lure in, how much money could I make, etc.). Not only was trying to be whatever any of you wanted me to be so that you would like/validate me an incredibly painful process (for me and anyone I affected), but it also resulted in a fledging business. It wasn’t until I aligned with my purpose, with what I am here to do that I could experience the flow, fun and freedom that truly serving others can be. Aligning with our purpose is how we lead from the inside-out, the most powerful and sustainable form of leading. So, the more I can do that for myself, the more I can also support others in doing the same, thereby strengthening their own impact.
  3. Surround yourself with inspiring people. We need other people who are ahead of us to light up the path for us. None of us has eyes in the back of our heads. None of us can stay on top of everything all the time — regardless of how well-meaning or capable we are. I am known to be a Visionary and, still, I need people to help me shed stinking thinking, to dream even bigger, and to put the steps in place to making my Vision become a reality (or to give me a reality check! lol). The larger the number of great people we surround ourselves with, the better the chances our personal and professional lives will thrive. As with most everything, I can’t give what I don’t have, so making sure myself to surround myself with inspirational people is one of my top go-to’s.

We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?

Indeed, I am far from done: the Rebel with a Good Cause in me will always live on! Lol.

What will I do next, though? As I, too, keep going through my own transformation sloughing off layers of old beliefs (I can’t give what I don’t have, after all!), I will keep tightening my message which I will express in bigger and bigger ways. Short-term, you will see me publishing my first book, putting out more videos, speaking from more stages — maybe even a Ted Talk! — and just generally having a bigger voice. Or, more precisely, letting my message be heard in a bigger way. As uncomfortable as it has been for this introvert (me) to become more visible, I know this is the only way to help as many people as I can.

Medium-to-longer term, it will be what I have just said amplified to even more books, talks, stages and, hopefully, people touched by my words.

In short, I will keep being the ever evolving me.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

The biggest challenge faced by women disruptors that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts is the notorious double-standard which does exist. And annoyingly so.

In other words, if we are assertive, we might get labeled aggressive while our male counterparts tend to be able to get away with either approach. And if we say little, then we might appear “small” while our male colleagues are merely “reflective.”

It’s as though we cannot win in the eyes of much of society, our male colleagues, and even of other women.

To counter that, a lot of us have learned to disavow our natural leadership qualities in favor of those we see our male colleagues possessing. Chief among the talents we subdue is our intuition, arguably the most impactful leadership trait to have.

This is something I work with a lot of women executives to re-claim.

In one poignant instance a top leader (who is now Senior Vice President) of a plastics giant, reported that because she had pressured herself to be more like the men (as she observed them) around her, she refused to listen to her intuition and ended up hiring the wrong candidate. His credentials had looked better on paper, even though the other candidate had “felt” better to her. Within days, she regretted her decision: the logically correct choice proved to be a disappointing one. She knew she — and the company — would have been better served if she had just trusted herself form the beginning.

The foregoing is a good example of what I see most often among women leaders: denying our own strengths in order to “blend in” more with the guys, We try to be like “them” and then wonder why we might be less impactful or fulfilled than we know we can be, Only once we grasp the notion that the key is not to become more like them, it’s to become more and more us do we become truly powerful in our leadership and lives.

Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?

While I am always recommending books, articles, Ted Talks and the like to my clients, there’s one talk I’ve heard recently that has been a game changer for me:

Marisa Peer’s Crash Course for Phenomenal Success: https://youtu.be/lw3NyUMLh7Y?si=iVBbWq5QL23qAyk6

As a Leadership Advisor and advocate for all people evolving into the best version for themselves, I have always been on the path of developing myself and of encouraging the same in others. In fact, I firmly believe that the better the human we become, the better the leader we also become. For it’s at that point that we become ready to live and lead from higher level values. We lead from the inside-out, disregarding other people’s viewpoints and staying true to our own Truth. This is what makes us truly powerful and inspiring leaders, ones who are of the highest service to the world. And I love helping people to get there!

Yet, I also know that helping people to get there starts with me: I can’t help people arrive at the place of leading from the inside-out unless I, too, am doing the same. I can’t help people get to the place of stepping to the side of their egos for the good of the world until I, too am doing the same.

Marisa Peer’s talk above helps me do that.

How? Because the instant I hear myself say — and mean — “I am enough” my nervous system relaxes, and I notice that all the grasping I have been doing trying to get attention here or attention there vanishes. For when I am already “enough,” the struggle is unnecessary. I can just be me. And as it turns out, that IS enough.

From such a peaceful place, I can better help others to also realize their own greatness, just as they are. This lighter-ness makes it a lot easier for all of us to shine in our own special ways — freed from the burden on nonsense thinking.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I already have started a movement! As mentioned above, it’s to normalize being the Adult Child of an Alcoholic. After all, it’s a topic few talk about today — and yet 25% of the world’s population is affected. Just as (thank goodness) today the transgender subject is spoken of regularly while twenty years ago it was never mentioned, it is my intention to help de-shame adult children of alcoholics (and their alcoholic parent(s)).The more we bring our darkness (those things we think we have to hide, but don’t) into the light, the more we can find solutions and a like-minded community who can help us to grow. That’s why I chose this subject for my recent master’s thesis (as part of the INSEAD EMC) which, again, can be accessed here (bottom of page). Through this work, I show how the Self-Beliefs of Adult Daughters of Alcoholics at Work can be shifted for the better and how such a transformation can inspire others.

In this way, I hope to become the Sia and Alanis Morissette (music industry disruptors) of the business world!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

My all-time favorite quote is Maya Angelou’s-

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Why has this idea been so important to me and my life? Well, because as a strongly intuitive empath, I tend to see what’s up in people and situations rather rapidly. And because I also have that courageous Rebel side to me, I used to say — verbally or through my body language — exactly what I thought. I had a very limited filter. As a result, I sadly saw many people step further away from me.

Confused and hurt and only seeing my good intention, I hadn’t yet understood that there are indeed consequences to my behavior. People were only reacting to the coldness they heard in my tone, not to my true intention there.

Yet when I started focusing on the wake my presence was leaving behind, that tide started to turn for me. Once I learned how to better convey the genuine care (for people’s wellbeing, the best solution possible, etc.) I feel toward humanity and the world, more people began being drawn to me. To be clear, it’s not that I need to be the center of attention. It’s that it’s my purpose to inspire people to step into the best versions of themselves. But when my mannerism (which I learned earl on) inadvertently pushes people away, it’s very hard for me to do that,

Maya Angelou’s quote helps me to focus on the experience people have with me. By doing so, I have been able to shift my body language and choice of words to create greater safety and warmth for all people. Like this I get to influence and inspire more people.

And it’s been a wonderful bonus that I like being with me more, too. 🙂

How can our readers follow you online?

Thank you for asking! I would love to connect you on:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colleenslaughter/

My newsletter, “Bolder Move of the Week”: https://www.boldermoves.com/weekly-bolder-moves/

Would love to hear from all of you how this article resonated with you.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

My pleasure! I hope my words can help others. Always happy to be in this kind of conversation 🙂.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

About the Interviewer: Dina Aletras boasts over 20 years of expertise in the corporate media industry. She possesses an in-depth understanding of growth, strategy, and leadership, having held significant roles at some of the UK’s largest media organizations. At Reach PLC, the UK’s largest tabloid publisher, she served in various director capacities. Additionally, she held leadership roles at The Independent Magazine Group and DMGT. Her extensive knowledge spans editorial, digital, revenue, sales, and advertising.

Upon relocating to Switzerland, Dina took on the responsibility of managing and promoting the international section of Corriere del Ticino — CdT.ch pioneering the English page “onthespot.” She also was the Co-Editor of Southern Switzerland’s first official Italian and English bilingual magazine.

Self-Advocacy

Powerful Self-Advocacy: Cultivating the Mindset of an Empowered Leader

December 12, 2024ColleenLeadershipLeave a comment

“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”
– Janis Joplin

Have you ever wondered how to ensure your voice is heard without the nagging fear of ruffling feathers? Have you found yourself wrestling with whether to speak up, only to miss the moment as the conversation shifts?

This hesitation is what holds many of us back. We often seek the perfect words or worry that expressing our truth might disrupt the harmony of our relationships. But here’s the reality: self-advocacy is essential for our growth and success.

Understanding Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy, as defined by Wikipedia, is “the act of speaking up for oneself and one’s interests.” In a professional landscape where our decisions and goals shape our career trajectories, self-advocacy is about standing firm for our future successes. It may seem straightforward, but for many leaders, it’s anything but simple.

Though we grasp the importance of advocating for ourselves through various tools like visibility and courageous conversations, the challenge often lies in understanding the ‘why’ behind self-advocacy—our mindsets.

Debunking Myths

Many of us carry misconceptions about self-advocacy that hinder our progress. Here are three persistent myths to challenge:

1. I’m the only one struggling to take a stand for myself.

This belief is common, particularly among women leaders. However, the truth is that everyone, including men and more senior leaders, grapples with advocacy. Despite their insecurities, they may project confidence more easily, but that doesn’t diminish their struggles.

2. If I advocate for myself, I’ll seem pushy or needy.

A workshop past participant once shared that in their culture, attention on personal accomplishments is frowned upon. Yet, leadership today demands we act as if we belong in our roles. Leaders who embrace an entrepreneurial mindset—whether as entrepreneurs or employees—are increasingly the ones who excel.

3. Speaking up might make me seem ungrateful for the job I have.

It’s commendable to be concerned about gratitude, but striving to grow and discover the best solutions is advantageous for both you and your organization. By advocating for yourself, you’re stepping into your power, which ultimately benefits your team and organization.

Self-advocacy creates a ripple effect. By embracing our advocacy, we model behavior that encourages others to voice their truths, fostering an environment of trust and collaboration. Remember, engaged employees—who strive for more—are far more valuable than those simply coasting through their workdays.

Self-Advocacy

Cultivating the Winning Mindset

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
– Andy Warhol

Self-Advocacy

To shift our perception of self-advocacy, consider these positive reframes:

1. By advocating for myself, I demonstrate how I wish to be treated.

This sets clear expectations and fosters healthy, supportive relationships.

2. Self-advocacy allows me to communicate my thoughts and ambitions honestly.

Clarity fosters understanding and increases the likelihood of achieving our goals. Moreover, our vulnerability helps us create more trustful relationships with others.

3. The best organizations cultivate learning cultures.

They welcome feedback and support employee growth. Your voice strengthens not only your impact but also your team’s potential.

Putting It All Together

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change.
I am changing the things I cannot accept.”
– Angela Davis

To drive your career forward, embrace a mindset of ownership. Position yourself as the CEO of your career, dedicated to serving both yourself and others. Moving from intent to action requires alignment with your values. Here are three empowering steps to implement:

1. Clarify Your Vision and Purpose:

What inspires you beyond your current role? Understanding your overarching ‘why’ will help you lead from a place of integrity, free from the fear of judgment.

2. Adjust Your Course:

Recognize that mistakes are part of the journey. Like an airplane that corrects its path, remain adaptable and learn from missteps.

3. Commit to Consistent Practice:

Mastery takes time. By consciously practicing your self-advocacy skills, you’ll establish lasting habits that redefine your leadership impact. How we engage in self-advocacy fundamentally shapes our relationship with ourselves. It is critical to recognize our worth, believe in it, and act in accordance with our values.

This essential self-awareness is the foundation for authentic leadership.

By taking responsibility for our needs and aspirations, we inspire others to do the same. True self-advocacy is about creating a culture of honesty and collaboration, where every voice is valued. After all, the relationships around us mirror our inner relationship. By advocating for ourselves, we equip ourselves to better support those around us.

This is what true self-advocacy – and effective leadership – is all about.

Want more effective tips on upleveling your leadership? Sign up to receive my free Weekly Bolder Moves delivered fresh to your inbox each week! With them, you get bit-sized leadership wisdom in digestible chunks. People around the world rave about them.

Why Going Through Hard Times Makes Us Stronger, More Inspirational Leaders

Why Going Through Hard Times Makes Us Stronger, More Inspirational Leaders

November 11, 2024ColleenLeadershipLeave a comment

“When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

As a worldly American, I feel quite lucky to have attained a mindset of taking the best from each country I visit and of caring about people of all nations, races, religions, genders and sexual orientations. As a native Kentuckian, I would even say that my kind is quite rare on the international stage.

But even with my genuine open-mindedness and deep care for all kinds of people, nothing has knocked me off my game more than the US election results last week.

The values displayed by most Americans this past week have shown themselves to be 180 degrees from my own. For this reason, for me the “race” which just ended was not about mere politics. It stopped being about politics as soon as Mr. Trump publicly and cruelly mocked an intellectually disabled person in 2016 – and never apologized for that and other atrocities.

It’s morality that has been at stake. And this, now more than ever.

According to Richard Barrette, Founder of Barrett Values Center, values are the “energetic drivers of our aspirations and intentions.” They are at the heart of why we do what we do. That so many of my compatriots actually want hate to be the lens through which public policy is made saddens me deeply.

It also scares the bejeebies out of me, but that is perhaps another story.

And even as powerless as I am in this post-election moment, one thing is for sure: I still have a choice. I can stay stuck in my despair for the world’s well-being, or I can move forward by understanding what the learning in all this mess might be for me.

Am I a Happy Camper that in this immediate moment the only real choice available to me is to look at how I can grow through this? Heck no! In fact, I quite hate that I can do nothing else, nothing at all in this moment to help those who are terrified for their lives, their families and their wellbeing. I deeply wish I could do more.

And I will.

But in this precise moment, I get to make a choice that will either help or hinder things. I can stay stuck in the upset, or I can look for the set up for growth.

Look for the Learning

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—
to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
– Viktor Frankl

When it comes to seeking the meaning in what is happening during challenging times, Dr. Shilagh Mirgain of the University of Wisconsin agrees. In the April 7, 2020 UW School of Medicine and Public Health article entitled “The Surprising Benefit of Going Through Hard Times,” she cites the “choice in how we respond to difficult times. We can shut down emotionally and let ourselves become hardened by it, or we can grow from the experience.”

Psychologist Dr. Jason N. Linder also supports this idea. In his April 1, 2024 Psychology Today article “Why Hard Times are Crucial,” he maintains “Getting beat up by life—periodically, of course, with some time in between to recover—may just save your life. Hard times can strengthen us, and when we’re strong, it increases our capacity to celebrate and enjoy our lives.”

Proof in Numbers: How Hard Times Foster Positive Change

Getting laid off at work, for example, can cause psychological and physical stress and can even be traumatic for many of us. When we can stay resilient, we are better able to cope with our new employment situation, stay positive and even discover new talents or dreams we never realized before.

Through this process of moving from the shock of hearing unwanted news to acceptance of a new reality to a new understanding of ourselves, therefore, a new version of ourselves can be born.

Grow from Difficult Periods

Why Going Through Hard Times Makes Us Stronger, More Inspirational Leaders

In fact, there are actually a few phrases describing the personal growth that comes from experiencing a crisis. Post-traumatic growth, aptly named, is one of them. Another phrase is Dr. Mirgain’s: the Phoenix Phenomenon – indicating a new life arising from the remains of the previous way of being.

In the September 19, 2024, Fast Company article “Embracing the Grind: Leading Teams Through Tough Times,” Shane Jackson, president of Jackson Healthcare and the author of Fostering Culture: A Leader’s Guide to Purposefully Shaping Culture brings in a third phrase “embracing the grind.” Such term comes from athletes and describes the admirable dedication, strict discipline, and positive mindset it takes to compete consistently at high levels. At that level, the only way to achieve greatness is through the good ole fashioned grind of hard work of training day in and day out, week after week after week, month after month. Through the “darkness” of their grind, they get to the bright light of fame.

“Whether all is really lost or not depends entirely on whether or not I am lost.”
– Vaclav Havel

Whether our preference is to call it post-traumatic growth, the Phoenix Phenomenon, embracing the grind or very simply “this freaking difficult period,” there are some ways we can help ourselves and our teams get to the other side of hard times. And, in so doing, become stronger and more inspirational versions of ourselves.

Here are some ideas:

1. Prioritize Self-Care

Exquisite self-care becomes a must during challenging periods. Taking great care of ourselves is one thing we have control over, and we can at least feel good about doing our best to take care of our self. Some ways to do this are to be vigilant about having abundant rest, eating even healthier meals and moving our bodies in ways that feel good. We can also start working toward new goals and dreams. Small daily action steps can give us that sense of purpose and structure that we need. Remembering to reach out for extra support during this difficult time is also essential. Not only does self-care feel good, it’s also productive. Through it, we have greater access to our right brain where creativity and intuition, two very important tools for evolving into that better version of ourselves, can be accessed.

2. Feel Your Feelings

Too often, we want to skip over the messiness of our feelings. And many people do just that. Many men, for example, were taught that “real men don’t cry”. (Bollocks!) As Dr. Mirrgain writes, “When we try to bury our feelings, it can actually cause them to become even stronger in the future and prevent us from moving beyond the distressing emotions.” If we want freedom and growth, starting a practice of feeling our feelings in ways that work for us. Journaling, crying, hitting a pillow, swimming or painting are some ways to do that. The main thing is to give ourselves permission to have whatever feelings are coming up and then to express them in a healthy way.

3. Reflect On How You Have Grown Through Other Hard Times

It can be tempting to get caught up in the heat of the moment and catastrophize that the current “unbearable” situation will go on forever. And, indeed, it can seem like that at times…Four years with such a personality in the Oval Office feels like an eternity!! But when we can remember other times when we struggled and then grew stronger thanks to what we endured, we can gain hope and perspective. The inspiring Founder of my coaching school, Juio Olalla says “we coach form our wounds.” In other words, the pains of our past can help us to be more compassionate and aware of other people’s pain. I believe I am a much more impactful coach thanks to the suffering of my past. As is often the case, there is indeed a deeper meaning to trying periods.

4. Recognize the Growth Opportunity in this Upset

Now that we have identified our learnings from other challenging times, the next natural step is to do the same for what we are now going through. This is never to discount our current experience, only to highlight that there is also (usually) an even bigger narrative at play. As the “Balcony & Dance” model of Harvard’s Dr. Ron Heifitz’s denotes, all while being in the “dance” of our current experience, we can simultaneously step onto the “balcony” of the same by noticing patterns and over-arching themes. In this way, we can derive greater meaning form our current experience – however unpleasant.

5. Step More Fully Into those Values which Mean the Most to You

For many of us, after having gotten on the balcony of current and past difficult times, we also come to better understand what is most important to us – our values. For example, through this election outcome which I perceive as an upset, I get to see more clearly that fairness and equality are very important values for me. So, while I can do nothing today to change who will be president in two short months (gasp), I can re-evaluate my own choices to ensure I lead more fully from a place of fairness and equality. This is indeed one of the growth opportunities for me at this time. If we are open to growth, we, too, can find the ways where our own values can be lived in a deeper and fuller way.

6. Notice Your Strengthened Relationship With Yourself and Others

It’s an amazing phenomenon that the more we align with our own values, the more connected with ourselves we become. We become more aware of when we are out of integrity with ourselves, the kinds of activities which are most inspiring to us and the people who help us to feel the most positive and empowered. By becoming better friends to ourselves in this way, we also strengthen our relationships with others. Hard times at work can invite us to shift more of our daily focus to what really matters. As a result, we might leave on time more often or work from home an extra day so we can have more time with our children. None of us can give what we don’t have, so by building the integrity and honesty muscles with ourselves, we simultaneously do that with the people we encounter. It’s a win-win!

7. Celebrate this New, Up-leveled You!

Why Going Through Hard Times Makes Us Stronger, More Inspirational Leaders

Growth can be messy. It’s rarely straight line. Rather, it’s down, around, upside down and back again – all before we arrive at a brand-new point with ourselves. Being open to enduring that process alone is enough for a celebration! But even more poignantly, once we arrive at that new understanding of ourselves and our place in the world, we have successfully undergone a transformation. Just like the butterfly who has evolved from the caterpillar, we can never again go back and take on that former mindset. It’s over and done with. We have succeeded in becoming a newer, freer version of ourselves. And that deserves some serious fist pumps!

Fun fact: While these seven steps are listed as ways to grow from difficult periods, they are great steps to live by overall! Caring exquisitely for ourselves, feeling our feels, taking stock of the higher-level meaning of our experiences, doing a values check on ourselves, getting closer to ourselves and others and celebrating all we are becoming is a FANTASTIC formula for living! It keeps us in kindness mode to ourselves and others all while being accountable for our own experience while we are here on this planet.

And while they will not make the pain go away, they do provide us a new set of tools for thriving (rather than merely surviving) despite our woes…like who happens to be sitting in the White House.

Want more effective tips on upleveling your leadership? Sign up to receive my free Weekly Bolder Moves delivered fresh to your inbox each week! With them, you get bit-sized leadership wisdom in digestible chunks. People around the world rave about them.