needs

Every leader has needs: How are yours being met?

With the chaos of the world and the busy-ness of our daily lives, it can be easy to dismiss the thing most essential to our wellbeing, our progress and our impact. Yet doing so can have disastrous consequences.

A look at the Iceberg Model can confirm why this is so:

Iceberg Model

 

 

In this Model, we see that our behavior is only a part of what makes us up and is driven by everything under the “waterline”, otherwise known as our mindset. Our mindset is made up our thoughts, emotions, values, priorities, beliefs – and needs.

In fact, it is the way in which we interpret our needs as being met (by ourselves or by something or someone outside us) that creates a chain reaction up the iceberg to behavior which works for us – or behavior which undermines us. We get to choose.

To be able to make the best choice here, paying attention to our needs pays as they are at the root of all of our behavior and the results that we are able to achieve.

According to the Center for Nonviolent Communication, here are some needs we all have at one time or another:

CONNECTION
acceptance
affection
appreciation
belonging
cooperation
communication
closeness
community
companionship
compassion
consideration
consistency
empathy
inclusion
intimacy
love
mutuality
nurturing
respect/self-respect
CONNECTION continued
safety
security
stability
support
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and
be understood
trust
warmthPHYSICAL WELL-BEING
air
food
movement/exercise
rest/sleep
sexual expression
safety
shelter
touch
water
HONESTY
authenticity
integrity
presencePLAY
joy
humor

PEACE
beauty
communion
ease
equality
harmony
inspiration
order

AUTONOMY
choice
freedom
independence
space
spontaneity

MEANING
awareness
celebration of life
challenge
clarity
competence
consciousness
contribution
creativity
discovery
efficacy
effectiveness
growth
hope
learning
mourning
participation
purpose
self-expression
stimulation
to matter
understanding

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org
Email: [email protected]
Phone: +1.505-244-4041

But it’s not just paying attention to what our needs are, it’s also paying attention to how we get them met.  If, for example, we know that self-esteem is an area that needs our attention, focusing on something or someone outside of us (a promotion or a boss) to give us that validation will only set us up for limiting results.

But when we can learn to give ourselves that affirmation – with any external kudos being the icing on the cake but not the whole cake– then we are planting some important seeds to liberating results.

It’s super simple, but it’s true:

Identifying our needs + doing our best to meet them ourselves = the best possible results.

Empathy: A Must-Have Trait for Every Leader

Once we have that practice of meeting our own needs down, we become even more inspirational leaders by helping others to identify and meet their own needs.

“Leadership must first and foremost meet the needs of others.” – Robert K. Greenleaf, Founder of the Servant Leadership Movement

Symbolically speaking, we are all, after all, made up of an iceberg:

The Iceberg in Relationships

Iceberg in Relationships

Image Credit: Mirko Kobiela

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, the more we bring every person’s needs to the forefront, the more we can each feel free to be who we are, creating deeper connection among us, which leads to greater productivity and impact.

Prioritizing everyone’s needs might look like this:

  • The leader role modeling by putting his/her needs out there, even and especially when they might be exposing a vulnerability
  • Setting up Team Agreements (ways we want to be together when working) that all co-create and agree together
  • Regular team check-ins to see how we’re doing on these agreements: any changes needed?
  • Frequent team building/fun exercises and events to continue strengthening the bonds of the team

Creating a workplace where employees enjoy coming to work each day means happier employees – and higher productivity. More than this, the September 2021 McKinsey Quarterly article Great Attrition’ or ‘Great Attraction’? The choice is yours tells us that more than a mere wish, the current war for talent is literally driving workplaces to become full of more meaning and care.

When leaders inspire, respect, and listen to their employees, it creates a win-win situation.

John Eades, writing in Inc., sums it up:

“When you show genuine care for your employees’ needs, as opposed to an obsession with the bottom line, you will enjoy better retention rates and productivity as everyone buys into the company culture.”

The benefits of genuinely caring about others has a ripple effect. As Eades writes, encouraging employees to succeed – to be the best they can be by first getting their own needs met– creates greater opportunities for growth.  By genuinely caring about employees – and listening to their suggestions or comments on matters that need improvement – a healthy, motivating atmosphere is created.

Employees who feel that they’re valued team members tend to put forth the extra effort in everything they do, and their positivity – and their constructiveness – radiates throughout the workplace.

But Wait…We Can’t Forget to Care for Ourselves

While most leaders would agree that considering the needs of others is crucial, it’s also vital that we do not overlook our own needs. Indeed – our needs must not be swept under the rug, disregarded as unimportant or insignificant.

After all, if our own needs aren’t being met, is it sensible to suggest that we put the needs of others above ourselves? Consider the old phrase, “You can’t give from an empty cup.”

Writing in Forbes, Lindy Brewster stresses the importance that everyone needs to feel safe and secure.

“Faulting leaders for needing the same security as their employees does everyone a disservice.”

It’s easily understood that when employees don’t feel secure or worthy in their workplace, they simply leave for better opportunities. It’s no different with leaders.  If their needs aren’t being met – and no one listens to their concerns – they’ll seek out other leadership roles.

When a company faces a critical time – and the pandemic has certainly created a decisive time for all businesses – if employees or leaders don’t have a strong empathetic relationship, where they feel valued, safe, and secure, then it sets the stage for all around failure.

Brewster mentions that getting support is key to success, and if you don’t find help within your own company, seek help outside, from mentors or trusted coaches.  They’ve probably been through a similar experience and can share how they persevered.

Lose the embarrassment or sense of shame about asking for help. Reaching out during a difficult time will help us respond more effectively when we’re faced with the next challenging situation.  And we all know there will be a next one.

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,
one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” Audrey Hepburn

Balancing Boundaries with Caring About Everyone

As with everything in life, there must be balance.

And while empathy is a valued trait in leadership, boundaries have their place as well.

Without boundaries, we are lost.  Much like a sign on the road indicates “no parking,” our personal boundaries tell others what is acceptable to us – and what is not.

How do you know when boundaries aren’t firmly in place? Psych Central highlights a few examples:

  • Excessive involvement in other’s lives
  • Trying to please people
  • Attempting to give advice and control others
  • Excessive talking
  • Working too much or taking on too many commitments

Admittedly, it’s easy to slip into some of these behaviors.

Boundaries can be tough things to keep in place, especially during times of heightened stress (and since 2020, we ALL can relate to that, right?). We want to be there for everyone, we feel guilty for saying no to friends or colleagues, and it’s difficult for many of us to ask for help.

But let’s get real: a lack of boundaries breeds an atmosphere of no respect, of frustration and overwhelm. It’s not fair to ourselves- or to those we lead.

“Compassionate people ask for what they need.
They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, the mean it.
They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
-Brene Brown

Being a great leader requires a delicate balance of empathy and boundaries. These traits can only be developed when we realize that our own basic needs of feeling valued, secure, and worthy must be recognized as well. Once those needs are fulfilled, it provides rich soil for not only personal growth, but for helping others to achieve their greatness as well.

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Risk

Risk Taking for Leaders: Smart Strategy or Perilous Planning?

“If you’re going to grow, you’re going to have to do things that put you at Risk.”
-Ginni Rometty, former Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer of IBM

Taking risks implies making decisions that pose potential threats.

Not acting can be risky, too. Especially in leadership.

Yet risk taking is not something many folks are generally comfortable with.

As Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize winning psychologist stated, “For most people, the fear of losing $100 is more intense than the hope of gaining $150.”

Understood.

High achieving, impactful business leaders are willing to take risks – and often, their careers boast of big wins. If there were losses at times, those “failures” often provide a framework for valuable learning lessons.

So how do we successfully approach risk as leaders?

Begin With More Conscious Leadership

Knowing our personal “why” is key to our own personal – and professional – development. It’s surprising that many people go through the motions of each day (focusing on the “what” – and usually the “what” of other people, as they perceive it) without truly having an understanding of their own “why” behind what they’re doing.

When we know our unique ‘why,’ we’re better able to lead. Our teams will follow not just because we’re “the boss”, but because they want to out of sense of shared values and beliefs.

When you and your team are grounded in your ‘why’ and you’re working on the same page, challenges turn into opportunities, and gradually an attitude of courage develops in a leader – and risk taking becomes part of the agenda.

Bill George, writing in Forbes, explains leaders with courage take risks that often go against the norm of their organization. In other words, they’re not afraid to make bold moves in the name of their purpose and values. He says courage is “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.”

Some leaders lack courage, George notes, because they’re too focused on numbers or reaching a particular mark or milestone. Leaders with courage forge ahead boldly – despite the risks. They are conscious of and grounded in their abilities, skills, and values.

Risk Taking: Is it For Every Leader?

Don Kurz, DEO of Omelet, a successful ad agency, says risk is a business strategy that ultimately is served by asking one question: will it enhance the brand and the value of the company?

Risk taking isn’t for everyone, he explains. While it can be a source of innovation, it can be a difficult step for startup companies. Without performing risk assessments, the unknown holds many back from stepping outside their comfort (or financial) zone.

A Harvard Business Review article notes that risk assessments are generally not conducted; a project is simply presented to managers with projections. The authors suggest a handful of assessments be done to fully understand the risks involved.

Risk Assessment Plays a Role

Srini Pillay in HBR offers a counterpoint, suggesting that risk assessment is based on other issues besides just financial ones, such as:

  • Understanding how our brains handle risk, whether unconscious or conscious. Studies reveal that impulsive, social, or aggressive people may be more likely to take risks.
  • Realizing risks can be a good and very fruitful experience. Contrary to what some people think, taking risks doesn’t carry negative or “scary” connotations.
  • What about failures, shortcomings, disappointments? Valuable lessons can be learned from them that often serve as a springboard to greater fulfillment later on.

How we bounce back from failure depends on our resiliency. Pillay uses specific tools to measure burnout and how it may affect resiliency.

His points are well taken: As much as each of us longs for a pre-pandemic world and hope for a return to a so-called normal, it cannot be. Just as people learned to live outside the box, so too, businesses need to look for more innovative and progressive business methods.

Risk assessments can provide the data needed and skills to be honed to overcome aversion to risk taking. Ultimately, it is up to each leader to calculate the risks … and make choices accordingly.

Authentic Leaders Navigate Stormy Seas

All the strategic characteristics of a great leader provide a firm base when it comes to taking risks:

  • Courage. Letting our authenticity shine, being willing to show vulnerability, takes courage. To take the road less traveled – even amidst self-doubt and nay-sayers – takes courage.
  • Vision. Focusing on our intentions, keeping true to ourselves, our inner values, who we are at our core. It’s all about being present now. Lead your team with intention, with acceptance, not with authority, know the impact of your words. Ensure you and your employees are co-creating the same “why,” the same purpose
  • Focus on the “we.” Not the “me.” Conscious leadership can be a foundation in cultivating conscious organizations.
  • Encourage feedback and LISTEN. This helps us see the “bigger picture” rather than just our own (often narrow) visions.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to risk taking.

For grounded leaders with vision, who share the same goals with their teams and are valued by their teams, risk taking can be a successful leadership strategy.

“Make the choices that make you nervous.
If you make the choice that’s the easy way out, that wasn’t the big vision or big choice to make.”
-Eileen Burbidge; Partner, Passion Capital

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self-reflection

Slowing Down for Self-Reflection Can Accelerate Leadership Impact

In the rapidly evolving world we’re living in, it can feel like we’re constantly being pulled in dozens of different directions.

That “new normal” everyone is trying to adapt to? Maybe it’s better said that continual change – sometimes abrupt – is our new normal.

How can we, as leaders, flex flawlessly when we’re bombarded all the time with fires to put out, challenges to respond to, and a host of other daily responsibilities tugging at us?

The answer may be simpler than we think…

Self-reflection.

“Reflection… Looking back so the view looking forward is clearer.” – Unknown

Why Slowing Down for Self-Reflection Can Actually Accelerate Growth

A KelloggInsight article featured in the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University shared some fantastic insights from Harry Kraemer, a clinical professor and former CEO of healthcare giant Baxter International.

“Instead of constant acceleration, Kraemer says, leadership demands periods of restraint and consideration, even—perhaps especially—during a crisis. Leaders must regularly turn off the noise and ask themselves what they stand for and what kind of an example they want to set.”

For many of us, it’s almost second nature to react immediately (and sometimes, undesirably) when we’re faced with a situation that grabs our attention. Yet, something powerful happens when we come from a place rooted in self-reflection:

We’re empowered to lead – and live – from a far more stable foundation that actually enhances our performance and widens our impact.

Self-Reflection Increases Workplace Engagement

An HBR article aptly titled “How Self-Reflection Can Help Leaders Stay Motivated” points to a pre-pandemic, 2017 statistic from Gallup that found just 38% of managers and executives are engaged at work. This decreased even more – to 29% – for mid-level managers. Imagine what those numbers look like after the COVID impact…

“Given these disconcerting numbers, we were interested in developing an intervention that enhances leaders’ engagement at work,” write authors Klodiana Lanaj, Trevor A. Foulk, and Amir Erez.

The solution was quite straightforward: Each morning, leaders spent a few minutes contemplating and writing about three aspects they liked about themselves and that they felt made them a “good leaders.” This exercise resembles the one I give regularly to clients who want to expand their presence, productivity and joy.

Two studies went on to examine whether this simple intervention was useful. Not surprisingly, on the days the leaders did this exercise, they experienced lower levels of depletion and felt more engaged. What’s more, they also felt they had a positive impact on their followers.

Here’s another interesting finding: The positive effects of this easy morning exercise extended to the evening, which led researchers to believe the leaders also experienced greater levels of positivity at home, too.

So, What Are Some Easy Ways to Self-Reflect?

The best part is that self reflection is completely approachable for anyone – and it doesn’t involve staring at an object in space or focusing on the tip of your nose.

Robert L. Rosen, film producer, explains it in this memorable way:

“Self-reflection entails asking yourself questions about your values, assessing your strengths and failures, thinking about your perceptions and interactions with others, and imagining where you want to take your life in the future.”

The goal of self-reflection in leadership is to:

  • Achieve greater levels of self-awareness
  • Get to the core of who we really are so our True Self can shine
  • Use our insights to continually improve our work, life and the relationships within these

All that’s needed to start a few quiet moments at a time of day (or night) that is most aligned with your schedule.

From there, here are a few pointers you might reflect upon:

1. Examine those priorities. Self-reflection can be an excellent tool to help us identify what our most important priorities really are. We may discover that things we thought were important aren’t – while other areas need greater focus.

2. Explore hot buttons & triggers. Consider what triggers your behaviors, what drives your reactions, and why? What about personal or professional blind spots? This area of self-reflection can help us achieve more productive interactions with our teams & with those around us.

3. Get to know…your “shadow side.” This is my favorite, because, while most often the most uncomfortable, it can also be the most impactful move we can make. It is said that “Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you.” (Unknown), meaning that if we can spot it, we got it 😉 Yet, it’s the one thing few of us are willing to look at, let alone talk about. It’s that shadowy part of the human personality that lurks beneath our everyday awareness. And it can manifest when we least expect, knocking us off the rails & creating unintended and disastrous results…

With all of this in mind, it’s easy to see the value of self-reflection…

…especially when it comes to identifying areas of ourselves that can seriously impact our performance and quality of life.

Even as we peek at our “shadow side” – resist the urge to make judgements. Simply observe. The “shadow side” – those aspects of personality that we aren’t always consciously aware of – does not necessarily imply “bad” or “negative.” Most of the time, these parts of ourselves originate from circumstances way beyond our control. It’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility. And we can learn to channel once-hidden areas to our advantage.

Truly, self reflection can lift the curtain on areas of our lives that might otherwise go overlooked…or ignored.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

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Leadership and letting go

Letting Go is the Secret to Effective Leadership

Let go. Loosen up a little. Just relax.

Letting Go in Leadership…Really?

How many times do we hear phrases like the above on a daily basis? It seems they’ve become ubiquitous in our fast-paced, always-on world – so much so that we often overlook their deeper meaning, particularly when it comes to leadership.

But isn’t letting go like giving up?” is a common question I hear. Truth be told, many of us struggle to make a connection between the concept of letting go and how it can inspire impactful leadership.

It can even seem counterproductive, especially in metrics-driven workplace cultures focused on “tightening the grip” and “cracking the whip” to achieve results at any cost.

Letting Go in Action (yes, it actually works)

An HBR article aptly titled “Leading by Letting Go” takes us through the story of how Jim Bush transformed American Express’s service operations over a decade ago. Here are some of the key points this article puts out:

Although American Express was considered to have excellent customer service even at that time, it was using the traditional “command-and-control” model at company call centers. This meant a focus on reducing costs, lowering call time averages, and emphasizing metrics and stats.

But Bush had a different vision. Instead of focusing purely on a financial perspective, he saw a model where real relationships between company and customer were built. In turn, this would be a major factor in setting American Express apart from its competitors, while driving future growth and increasing profits.

Sounds like a win-win, doesn’t it? But there was just one major obstacle getting in the way: scripts, metrics, and endless company rules and regulations. Somehow all of that didn’t lend itself to building meaningful, caring relationships with customers.

Impactful Leaders Don’t Give Up – They Let Go

Like any impactful leader, Bush wasn’t one to give up. Well, maybe he was – but not in the way you might think. He let go, ditching the worn-out call scripts and the constant focus on averages and stats.

And he didn’t stop there.

Notable highlights of the key changes Bush made include:

  • Updated the service rep title to customer care professional and gave them business cards, increased their salary and introduced more flexible hours.
  • Developed a 4-part system designed to motivate customer service professionals to take the initiative to provide a high quality customer service experience.
  • A key component of his system involved the concept of letting go, in keeping with his vision of building authentic relationships with customers and with staff. Although customer care professionals were well-trained in company policies and products, when it came to handling calls, they got to choose what they talked about – free of any scripts.

For anyone remotely familiar with American Express, the results of Bush’s leadership remain evident to this day: J.D. Power often ranks American Express “Highest in Customer Satisfaction with Credit Card Companies.”

Now It’s Your Turn…3 Ways to Let Go

1- Deepen your relationships. Among the key ingredients to a formula for successfully letting go, trust is at the very top. Here’s how to build trust in your relationships with team members. When we feel a stronger sense of trust, it makes it easier to let go.

Keys to effective leadership

When you set up a system that enables you to let go with confidence — to trust your employees to exercise their own judgment and learn from their experience — employees can become both self-directing and self-correcting. They become inspired, energetic, and enthusiastic. And the experience they deliver to customers is likely to be far better than anything you could ever control.

Rob Markey in HBR

2- Ditch destructive habits. Leadership is a continual process of learning and self-growth. We must be willing to take an honest look within to identify habits and behaviors that are not serving our highest good. Some common ones? Not listening, micromanaging, and overlooking important feedback.

This isn’t a once-and-you’re-done quick task – it’s an ever-evolving introspective journey. Once we recognize habits that aren’t helpful, what’s the next step? You guessed it: letting go of them. Turn to this article on going below the waterline for greater insight.

3- Be your true Self. When we’re grounded in who we are and strongly aligned with our core values, we can truly let our authentic selves shine. A side benefit? As we become more comfortable in our own skin, we’ll be in a better place to more easily let go. These authentic leadership tips will inspire you.

Bringing transparency into our everyday leadership activities gives us the opportunity to let our authentic selves shine in all that we do. As we become more transparent, we’re more likely to build cohesive, interactive teams that are willing to take on additional responsibility and to contribute to the greater good.

Today, try letting go…even just a little bit 🙂 I bet you’ll find it’s one of the best-kept leadership secrets yet.

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Self-Reflection

Want to Lead with Greater Ease? Start with Self-Reflection.

Self awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.”

Debbie Ford

What’s the foundation for extraordinary leadership that leaves a lasting impact?

Self-reflection.

Far from being selfish, self-reflection allows us to explore ourselves more deeply – or as Inc.com author Jacob Morgan asserts, “Before you can lead other people, you have to learn how to lead yourself.”

The Many Benefits of Self-Reflection

Leaders – or anyone who consciously engages in a practice of self-reflection – can expect to enjoy many benefits:

  • Stronger clarity and confidence when making decisions

  • More effective, productive communications with others

  • A deeper understanding of our thoughts, moods, and behaviors

  • Ability to tap into our highest potential with greater ease

  • A sense of groundedness and connection in work and life

As most leaders know all too well, it can be incredibly easy to get so caught up in the rapid pace of modern life with its seemingly endless parade of responsibilities that we put self-reflection on the back burner.

When this happens, we lose touch with ourselves and our ability to lead with authenticity.

Leadership strategies

It’s Time to Get BOLDLY Honest – With Ourselves.

When is the best time to practice self-reflection? That’s a question only you can answer, but here’s a great hint from Forbes contributor Naz Beheshti: “It is in the times where you feel that you cannot find enough time that reflection will prove most useful.

Self-reflection is all about getting radically honest with ourselves, getting clear on what our values are, and asking the right questions to provoke a deeper, inner contemplation. “Radical honesty would require us to stand fully in our truth,” suggests Beheshti.

There is no right or wrong time to engage in a practice of self-reflection. Rather, finding what works for you and doing it consistently is key.

Some people may find it most effective to self-reflect first thing in the morning, before the hectic pace of the day gets underway and a greater sense of clarity is present. Others may prefer to bring closure to a busy day with a quiet time of self-reflection before retiring for the evening.

Simple Self-Reflection Practices to Incorporate into Your Life

Need some inspiration to get started? Try any of these simple strategies to discover which ones most resonate with you…

1- Start a journal. Spending time in the solitude of self-reflection can be just the springboard we need to take effective action when we feel ready. And journaling is one of the best strategies we can use to increase our self-awareness. Do an entire brain dump or just scribble down a few thoughts – you might be surprised at the big insights you gain from this age-old practice.Self-reflection in leadership

2- Try a little gratitude. Gratitude isn’t just a feel-good strategy – it has proven benefits, backed by science. Consistent expressions of gratitude actually alter the molecular structure of our brains, enhancing our levels of both happiness and health. This is one simple practice you’ll want to make a part of your everyday life!

3- Ask questions. Indeed, self-reflection involves getting radically honest. When we take a step back from the constant activity of the day, we can ask deeper (and sometimes difficult) questions, like: What are my values? Did I live in alignment with them today? What is my “why”? What legacy do I want to leave as a leader?

4- Infuse self-care. Self-care isn’t self-indulgent; instead, it can become the foundation of a virtuous circle around you: the kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you will likely be to others. The more they receive kindness, the more they can give it to themselves and others. And so on. Think about it: it all starts with you.

Self-Reflection5- Challenge convention. If you’ve followed my blogs for any length of time, you know that I’m not afraid to go against the grain when the situation dictates. That’s where the whole “radically honest” part of self-reflection comes in. When we’re willing to “get real” with ourselves, we sometimes uncover things we were completely unaware of.

At times, the insights we receive as a result of self-reflection may surprise us. They may call for us to challenge conventional wisdom, to go against a common mindset. And that’s a wonderful thing!

It was John F. Kennedy who once said: “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.”

May we all integrate a strong practice of self-reflection into our daily lives so we too, can get BOLDLY honest, challenge convention, and lead with greater ease…and lasting impact.

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