Most people find it difficult to tell someone what they really think, particularly in a work setting. However, developing the skill (and some would say bravery) to offer and receive constructive feedback can be critical to a company’s overall growth and success.

How can employees make the right changes—or any changes at all—if they’re never told they’re acting in ways that don’t benefit the organization?

Why Reluctance Rules

In many cases, people don’t want to deliver negative feedback for fear of “rocking the boat.” This can be true even in organizations where the boat is already rocking, filled with water, and about to sink.

It’s also true in organizations where niceness and positivity are ingrained in the culture because the leaders, in particular, want to be seen as supportive and caring. A recent Harvard Business Review article by operations executive and team coach Jennifer Porter outlined the challenges of giving feedback in this kind of culture, but some of these are probably true regardless of the organization.

• No one wants to hurt another person with negative feedback, particularly in situations where everyone is perceived as nice.
• Learning how to give feedback takes practice and, as with all learning, “is inherently messy,” says the article. “We are all unskillful when we try something new. And this messiness and poor initial skill can easily be interpreted as unpoised, disrespectful, or unprofessional — all of which are unacceptable in a ‘nice’ culture.”
• People at the top of the organization aren’t open with each other so there’s no-one to model good feedback behavior for employees down the chain.
• Employees like their positive culture and “are typically reluctant to try anything that may jeopardize it,” says HBR.

How To Get Better

Learning how to effectively give constructive feedback takes work, says Porter. Below is a summary of her steps for leaders in any organizational culture to develop this skill.

• Be thoughtful and caring. The goal here is to help someone improve, and they will only do that when they feel “safe,” meaning heard and respected.
• Commit to being on a journey of learning.  “Commit to being better at candor and feedback and share a plan to get there. Tell your team about your commitment and ask for their help,” states Porter. “By starting with yourself, you’ll be modeling good behavior and demonstrating your commitment to the shift in culture.”
• Request and accept feedback. Be courageous in asking for input and be willing to listen openly to whatever someone tells you. Porter’s advice is, “No matter what you hear, do not resist, explain, defend, or push back. You can process it all later and decide what you want to act on, but in the moment just take it all in. And say thank you.”
• Accept that you’ll be uncomfortable. “Like learning any new skill, getting better at candor and feedback will be uncomfortable and you will do it unskillfully at the start. Your discomfort and mistakes mean you’re on the right path.”
• See your mistakes as learnings. According to Porter, this sends a powerful message to your organization: “leaders make mistakes when they are learning something new, and they say they are sorry.”
• Learn when feedback is not the right choice. Take time to discern whether you’re giving feedback because it’s needed or because your emotions are driving you. You want to support, not rant and place blame.
• Be open to constant development. Learn from both what you’re doing well and what you’re not doing so well, says Porter. “Analyze what is working and what is not, then create strategies to improve.”

See It In Action

Another Harvard Business Review article shows how candid, on-going feedback has helped criminals, drug addicts, and homeless people not only start their own company but turn it into a thriving business.

In How to Make Feedback Feel Normal, Joseph Grenny, keynote speaker and leading social scientist for business performance, reviews a program called The Other Side Academy (TOSA). Most students attend TOSA versus going to jail. They learn new ways of living through running small businesses, and a group of them are running a multi-million-dollar business called The Other Side Movers.

According to Grenny, the company’s success comes from the fact that feedback is peer driven and a normal part of every work day. “A core value at The Other Side Movers is ‘200% Accountability.’ Meaning every employee is expected to be 100% accountable for the quality of their own work, AND 100% accountable for the quality of the work of everyone else they see. The quickest way to get in trouble at The Other Side Movers is not to fail on #1, but on #2.”

Consider adapting some of TOSA’s feedback methods into your organization where it makes sense. I am also here as a resource and a guide.

Effective and continuous feedback is proving to be a gateway to success for all types of companies. How will you make it part of yours?

Looking for a fresh dose of motivation to inspire and challenge you every week? Sign up here to access my Weekly Bold Move. Best of all, it’s completely free and with no strings attached.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As one year ends and another begins, it’s traditionally a time to focus on new beginnings. But the truth is that you can work on reinventing yourself at any time and should consider it when life is not all that you want it to be.

Make Good Choices

Recently a Forbes.com article reviewed a book by investment manager Gary Spier titled “The Education of a Value Investor: My Transformative Quest for Wealth, Wisdom, and Enlightenment,” which discusses Spier’s reinvention of himself after he left an ethically-challenged Wall Street investment firm.

The article discusses Spier’s thoughts about recreating yourself when you’re unhappy with where you are or where you’ve been in your career and want to start again.

• Model The Right People – Find the people who are successfully doing what you want to do and learn from them, says Spier. Buy their books or meet with them directly if possible. They don’t have to be famous, they just have to be good at their work and accessible in some way.
• Be True To Your Principles – For Spier, this was being honest and decent as a businessman, which he didn’t really figure out until he left his old company. Sometimes we get blinded to what’s important because we feel we have to stay where we are. But you always have a choice.

Be Willing To Work At It

Although we’d like to be able to change overnight, beginning again takes work and commitment. According to the article “Reinvent Yourself” on the Psychology Today website, we can start by focusing on our future selves.

“To make the best decisions for your future self, you need to stop imagining that person as a stranger and instead see that it’s you,” says the article. “Caring more about our future selves can also help us counter the tendency to discount future rewards, which makes so many of us embrace immediate gratification instead of long-term payoffs.”

Other positive steps include setting long-term goals, being realistic in what we hope to achieve, having a contingency plan for setbacks (which WILL happen), and celebrating every success big or small.

My Reinvention Story

I love numerology, and it revealed that this was a particularly good time for my own reinvention: I recently ended a long-time business partnership and also moved with my family permanently from the U.S. to France.

The numbers weren’t the main reason for my new start, but they played a part in the timing of it. The year 2016 is a “9” year (2+0+1+6 = 9). In a nine year, we need to end relationships which aren’t working, clean out clutter, stop destructive habits/ways of life. 2017 is a 0 year (2+0=1+7 = 0), and these years are all about starting again.

Whatever your motivation, here’s to successful new beginnings for all of us—in 2017 and beyond!

Looking for a fresh dose of motivation to inspire and challenge you every week? Sign up here to access my Weekly Bold Move. Best of all, it’s completely free!

If you look around at today’s culture, you get a pretty strong message about happiness. Mainly, that everyone should have it or be striving for it. And while happiness is an important factor in our overall well-being, research is revealing another key player: meaning.

Lessons From The Holocaust

This research isn’t new. It began with the eminent psychologist and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl in 1945. Business Insider reprinted an article from The Atlantic that offered Frankl’s insights into the value of meaning in life.

In 1946, Frankl published his book Man’s Search For Meaning in which he shared his experiences as therapist in the concentration camp. Frankl concluded that the difference between those who survived and those who didn’t came down to finding a meaning for living—even is those horrendous circumstances.

Frankl himself believed that counseling other inmates created meaning in his life and that this is what allowed him to survive until he was liberated. He wasn’t happy, but he had a reason to live each day.

Understanding the Differences

A recent article in Scientific American discussed the differences that many of today’s studies are showing between happiness and meaningfulness.

“It seems that happiness has more to do with having your needs satisfied, getting what you want, and feeling good, whereas meaning is more related to uniquely human activities such as developing a personal identity, expressing the self, and consciously integrating one’s past, present, and future experiences,” says the article.

Writing in Psychology Today, social psychologist Bella DePaulo shares specific life circumstances that test subjects said made for a meaningful but not happy life and vice versa. For example, feeling that life is easy made for a happy but less meaningful life; stress, challenges, and sacrificing for others created meaning but not necessarily happiness.

What It Means For Our Own Lives

The thing to remember, say psychologists, is that both happiness and meaningfulness are important to our overall quality of life. However, striving for meaning is what makes us truly human.

As Victor Frankl states, “Being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself — be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself — by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love — the more human he is.”

If you believe you have everything you want but somehow don’t feel fully happy, it may be time to start a quest for meaning.

Looking for a fresh dose of motivation to inspire and challenge you every week? Sign up here to access my Weekly Bold Move. Best of all, it’s completely free!

For many women, getting noticed for their abilities and becoming an influencer at work can be an uphill battle. Sometimes it’s unclear when to hold back, when to push hard, and when to ask for help—particularly from male co-workers and managers. There are, however, effective ways to increase your visibility and influence.

Ways To Start

The following are some ways that successful business women say they get noticed. These are taken from the website of the National Center For Women And Information Technology, but they apply for women in all areas of business.

• “Work on projects with direct business impact – Choose roles that are strategically important to the business, and be clear about how your work fits in with company goals. If you are not clear, ask mentors who can help you understand the big picture.”
• “Develop a strong network and continually look for ways to diversify it – Ask yourself what kinds of skills, knowledge, or opportunities are missing from your existing networks. Participate in cross-functional, cross-organizational projects to diversify these networks in ways that close skill and knowledge gaps and accelerate your future opportunities.”
• “Serve as an internal advocate and mentor for others — both women and men – Junior women and men benefit from having male and female mentors. Mentoring also can be a rewarding way to grow professionally and to expand your leadership skills. Make mentoring a part of your performance goals so that you are recognized in performance evaluations for this contribution.”

Other Options

You can do things outside your company to get noticed within it, particularly if your business or role offer few (or no) opportunities to increase your visibility. These tips can help you in your current job—or one you might be considering for the future.

• Create And Run A Mastermind Group – This is an excellent way to build and demonstrate your leadership skills as well as to build connections in various industries. Participants can include people who are in similar work situations or career paths as you, those who want to explore new skills, or folks who want to share tips they’ve learned for staying visible. Check out this article for tips on getting started.
• Be Active On Social Networks – This one takes a little more work, as you must stay active by posting and commenting regularly. It’s easier to do if you choose one or two networks that fit your job or industry. And if you can find sites your fellow employees and managers are on, you’ll have multiple opportunities to get noticed and show what you know.

Looking for a fresh dose of motivation to inspire and challenge you every week? Sign up here to access my Weekly Bold Move. Best of all, it’s completely free!

If you find yourself struggling to increase your visibility and influence at work, Progressive Women’s Leadership is holding an upcoming webinar on this subject titled Gain a Seat at the Table: How Women Increase Their Influence & Visibility. It will run Thursday, December 8, 2016 from 1:00 – 2:00 p.m. ET, and I’m very proud to be the guest speaker for this program. Get more details or register today!

When it comes to dealing with difficult situations in life, most people would rather pass. (I know I would.) The bad news is that there’s no avoiding those painful situations; the good news is that they can teach us something—every time—if we’re open to it.

Make A Conscious Choice

You’ve probably heard experts say how we can always choose how to learn from situations. However, sometimes our “chosen” reactions are simply the automatic responses we’ve made all our lives—not realizing that there are alternatives which can lead to growth. Growth becomes possible when we step back and actually make a conscious choice about our reactions.

In an article on her Center For Inner Wellness website, Becky Waters describes what she calls our default operating mode. Most of us automatically respond by getting stressed, says Waters, because, “that’s typically our default programming, thanks to a well-working Reptilian brain. Anytime this instinctive coping part of our brain perceives danger, it automatically goes into fight, flight or freeze. However, we can learn to take a breath and allow the ‘message’ time to reach our more evolved decision-making brain.”

Psychologist Susan David also discusses this in her book “Emotional Agility.” During a recent podcast interview with Wharton University, Dr. David emphasized the power of conscious choice.

“Where we are today is a culmination of the decisions and choices we’ve made up to this point. Where we are tomorrow will depend on the choices we make today. If we don’t like what life seems to be giving us, we can decide to make a different choice – in our behavior or in our thinking.”

Learn To Overcome Fear

Perhaps one of the best ways to de-stress and ultimately evolve after any kind of tough situation is by overcoming the fear it creates. That starts by understanding that fear doesn’t come from without but rather from within us.

“While something could have happened to you that created the fear, such as a traumatic event, you must still move beyond it,” states a recent blog on the site Collective Evolution. “It may be difficult, but when you justify your fear, in whatever terms, you remain a prisoner to it.  You give yourself a reason to hold onto the fear because you’re telling yourself that this fear is coming from the outside instead of its true source, the inside. Once you become aware of something, you have the choice and power to change it.”

Starting with these two essential tools—conscious choice and moving beyond fear—we can become a better, more fulfilled version of ourselves in every aspect of life.

Looking for a fresh dose of motivation to inspire and challenge you every week? Sign up here to access my Weekly Bold Move. Best of all, it’s completely free!

And…if you find yourself struggling to increase your visibility and influence at work, Progressive Women’s Leadership is holding an upcoming webinar on this subject titled Gain a Seat at the Table: How Women Increase Their Influence & Visibility. It will run Thursday, December 8, 2016 from 1:00 – 2:00 p.m. ET, and I’m very proud to be the guest speaker for this program. Get more details or register today!