You want to be successful in your career, and a big part of that success depends on building a solid relationship with your boss…someone whose presence is often fleeting.

You need to get his approval on something, make sure he understands what you’re working on, or to clarify a piece of information. Problem is, you can’t seem to get his attention. Emails and calls go unanswered. If you do get a response, it may not be the one you hoped for.

When you look at the bigger picture, all of this is completely understandable – your boss is a busy person. And you’re just trying to do a good job.

How do you bridge that gap and improve how you communicate with your boss? Here are my top strategies:

1. Play detective. Get to know how your boss communicates. Is he numbers-orientated? Visual? Long-winded? To the point? Play a little game of detective here – you can even enlist someone close to him such as an assistant to find out what his communication style is. Find out if he prefers email to phone, or vice versa. Doing this will prime you for the next strategy, which is…
2. Prepare ahead of time. Your communication should come from a need-to-know standpoint. In other words, what is absolutely critical for your boss to know? That’s what you want to focus on. How does your concern impact the organization positively or negatively? Write it down if you have to or type it out so you’ll know exactly what you want to say. As you’re preparing, remember the next strategy…
3. Be concise – keep it brief. Do you want that email you send to get stacked with all the others – or do you actually want it to get read? If the latter is what you’re striving for, keep your communication as concise as possible. Before you hit that send button, consider reviewing the content and trimming down as much as possible. Be matter-of-fact – your boss has no time for TMI.
4. Examine your emotions. Before initiating any communication – whether it’s a simple email, a meeting in the boardroom or a one-on-one conversation, ask yourself what mood or emotion will best serve you. This is particularly important if the circumstance is challenging. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, now is not the best time. Practice self-awareness to get to know yourself better – and ultimately, better engage in meaningful, effective communication.
5. Let your self-confidence shine. Did you know that nonverbal cues make up 93% of our communication to others? As far back as 1872 (with the publication of Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals), research has been taking place on all our unspoken communications and behaviors. Radiate calm-confidence: breath evenly, maintain eye contact, keep your voice even. If you’re standing, keep your legs shoulder-width apart and hold your shoulders back and down. Watch out for nervous habits like twirling hair or stroking your clothes. You may not even be aware that you’re doing it, but little habits like that speak volumes – no pun intended.
6. Practice! Yes, I’m talking about a little role-playing here – even if it happens in front of your bathroom mirror. Put all the pieces above together and role-play either alone or with a trusted acquaintance. Practice doesn’t always make perfect, but it will help you hone your communication skills. You can also use your real-life, everyday communications with your boss as “practice” – try different communication techniques to see what gets good results.
7. Don’t take things too personally. When you’re trying to give it your best, but calls and emails go unanswered, it can be tricky not to take things personally. It can be hard not to feel intimidated by someone you perceive as “higher up”. Women in particular sometimes wonder “Am I doing something wrong?” Recognize that your boss doesn’t necessarily dislike or disapprove of you – how he communicates may simply be different from the way you do.

Almost anyone who has ever tried communicating with a high-level leader will tell you it can be challenging. If you see the challenge as an opportunity, I guarantee you’ll expand your knowledge and self-awareness – while developing your leadership and communication skills.

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A 2007 HBR article called “Promise-Based Management: The Essence of Execution” starts off by asserting that despite the toolkit most managers have to turn strategy into real action, “…critical initiatives stall, and important work goes undone. Emerging business opportunities fall by the wayside, or even worse, into the hands of more agile competitors.”

Nearly nine years since that article was first penned, this statement still rings alarmingly true for many organizations.

Why Execution Fails

What happens between “strategy” and “action”? Why does execution fail? For a variety of all-too-common reasons, according to HBR authors Sull and Spinosa.

Some reasons include:

• Employees may not be aligned with the company’s initiatives (or worse, may not fully understand them or even know what they are).
• Functional silos stand in the way of the coordination necessary for an organization to successfully take advantage of new opportunities.
• An executive wears too many hats – being in charge of direct reports and a far-off web of suppliers, partners and workers.

Promises, Promises

This is where promise-based management comes in. “Managers cannot overcome these and other obstacles to execution by doing more of the same; instead, they must fundamentally rethink how work gets done,” explain Sull and Spinosa. Promises are the very “strands that weave together coordinated activity in organizations.”

As you create and manage promises, you should understand the three phases of a promise: meeting of minds, making it happen, and closing the loop. Read about each in detail here.

The 5 Attributes of a Good Promise

A well-crafted promise has a certain set of qualities, explained below. I’ll talk about these within the context of everyday life to help you understand their importance.

1. Public –In which of the following scenarios do you think you’re most likely to achieve a goal – when you’ve told others about it and feel committed and accountable – or when you’ve stayed silent and kept that goal to yourself? You know the answer to that – and that’s exactly why a “public” promise is usually more effective.
2. Active – Sull and Spinosa offer an amusing analogy for this attribute, explaining that in some organizations, requests are tossed carelessly, much like a paperboy races through his route hurling newspapers onto doorsteps (or wherever else they happen to land). Obviously, promise-based management should be active and collaborative – a team effort.
3. Voluntary – When anyone feels “forced” to do something, the outcome usually isn’t very good. When you feel pressured, the result is usually less desirable than when you agree willingly to do something and you feel a sense of personal accountability towards a positive outcome. The same holds true in management.
4. Explicit – I tell all my clients that it’s virtually impossible to achieve a successful outcome when your goals are unclear. This becomes especially important when you’re making promises in settings where the parties either have cultural or environmental backgrounds that could make the promise open to varying interpretations. Stay away from vague, fuzzy promises to reduce the risk of future misunderstandings.
5. Mission-based – It’s often said that to make change happen successfully, every person involved needs to see the value in what’s happening. That’s why in promise-based management, the promise must articulate not only the “what”, but also the all-important “why”.

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I’ve been talking a lot lately about adjusting to a new cultural environment when you relocate for a job or other reasons. Making the initial life adjustments that come with a relocation – whether that’s across the state or around the globe – are only a piece of the total puzzle.

What’s another puzzle piece? Building and nurturing your relationships. As you might imagine, adjustment to a new culture enters into the relationship-building equation in a big way.

Building Relationships: A Cultural Perspective

In an HBR article, Building Relationships in Cultures That Don’t Do Small Talk, authors Andy Molinsky and Melissa Hahn relate the story of “Michael” who left his home office in Chicago for Frankfurt, Germany. After about a week, he was really missing home and wondering what could have gone so wrong.

To his mind, everyone seemed work-obsessed – unlike in the US, there was no casual talk, no chatter about weekend plans – and no one seemed to show much interest in his American background. It must be the “uncaring Germans”, Michael thought.

Then he began to wonder if he was the problem, so he set out determined to be friendly, to make small talk anywhere he could, to quickly establish friendships. The results weren’t what he hoped for – instead, people seemed more cold to him than before, especially his colleagues.

Get to Know Your Environment

As it turns out, it wasn’t the “uncaring Germans” that Michael blamed initially. And it wasn’t Michael’s fault, either. It’s actually pretty simple: in Germany (and in many other regions as well), small talk isn’t as common as it is elsewhere in the world, like the US.

As the authors point out, for instance, people in China can appear guarded around people they don’t know well, especially when personal information enters into the conversation. In other areas, chit-chat about trivial subjects like the weather or traffic just isn’t embraced.

Easy Tips to Help You Build Better Relationships

The bottom line is that building relationships can take a lot of time in other cultures. Here are some key tips to remember as you work on establishing strong cross-cultural connections:

• Try not to jump to conclusions too quickly – for example, if someone doesn’t want to engage in lighthearted conversation, it doesn’t mean they dislike you.
• When you’re tempted to judge someone else (or an entire culture), take a time out to realize that just as you’ve been immersed in your own culture, others have their own way of living and engaging. Respect that.
• Learn more about your new environment. The more you know, the better you’ll be able to understand what’s considered acceptable behavior in a different culture. This can also help you develop strategies to build strong connections.
• Adjust your expectations. We humans can be pretty centered on one thing – ourselves and how we feel. The next time you’re in a situation where you feel awkward or uncomfortable, just think of how the other person feels!
• Try a different approach. Especially in cultures where relationship-building takes time, don’t expect to enjoy instant, overnight results. What you can do is lay the foundation for a strong relationship. Demonstrating a genuine interest in the culture can go a long way. If small talk is a no-no, identify what topics might make for appropriate conversation instead.

Why Timing Can Be Key

Here’s a bonus tip: Did you know that timing can be a key factor in building personal connections? According to Molinsky and Hahn in HBR, “The key is to recognize when it’s acceptable to build personal connections, because that might vary significantly across the day.”

In Japan and China, it’s common for people to go out after work at night for drinks or dinner. During this time, something interesting happens that wouldn’t normally occur in the day: small talk and discussion on topics that aren’t connected with work (even with the boss).

The strategies you use to build your relationships will vary depending on what culture you’re in. One concept, though, is universal: Resist the urge to give in to discouragement. Yes, there will be times when you feel embarrassed, out of place…defeated, even.

Remember in the story above how Michael first blamed the “uncaring Germans”, then pondered what could be wrong with himself? Even though it’s a challenge, try not to take things so personally. Be present in the moment – embrace it – and learn from it!

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In the final post of my series on adapting to a new cultural environment, I’m sharing some of my favorite strategies for success. So, let’s get right into it!

1. First and foremost, understand that you’re completely normal! Remember in the first post where I told you that “culture shock” is not something strange and mysterious, but rather, something that virtually everyone who relocates will experience? I know when you’re feeling distressed and uncomfortable that this can be very challenging to accept, but you need to give yourself permission (and time!) to adjust and adapt.
2. Be kind to yourself. I’ve talked a lot before about the benefits of being gentle and patient with yourself. This couldn’t be more true than when you’re adapting to a new environment. After all, it can be difficult to adjust to a new environment whether you’ve just relocated to a new office in your own country or you’ve found yourself in completely foreign surroundings in a new region. Take excellent care of yourself by putting your needs first and of course, practicing healthy habits like eating well, getting enough rest, and engaging in physical activity.
3. Do your research. If possible, it’s a great idea to prepare yourself in advance by learning about your new location. Today, information is just a click or a tap away, allowing you to study the culture, the climate, and even the language (if it’s different from your native language). Find out about transportation, as well as any special documents you may need like legal or health papers. Making this effort can take a lot of the ambiguity out of your move by empowering you with what you need to know ahead of time.
4. Build – and use – your support network. The type of personal and professional support you have can greatly impact how successful your relocation will be. Most people understandably miss family and friends when they move, but the era of social media has made it easier than ever to stay in touch. You’ll also want to make sure to build a network of supportive people who have experience in relocations. Connect with others who live (or have lived) in the area. A supportive life or business coach can also one of your best allies. When you feel like someone understands what you’re going through, it can make all the difference in the world. Just don’t forget to reach out when you need support!
5. Be present to what is. When we relocate, it’s easy to experience a sense of nostalgia for everything that “was”. However, it’s in your best interest to be present to what “is” – not what “was”. It’s absolutely fine – and totally natural – to miss your home and reminisce about the way things were. But if you want to set yourself up for success, there’s no better place for you than in the present. Consider giving the practice of mindfulness a try – it can help you feel more balanced and may even help you in achieving your goals and sharpening your leadership skills.
6. Have an honest conversation with those closest to you. This might be a spouse, partner, your kids… Why? If you’ve read my other post, you know that the inability of a spouse or family member to adapt to a relocation can be a major factor in a failed assignment. Take the time before you relocate to engage in an open, frank dialogue with the person or persons closest to you to get everything out on the table so you – and they – know where everything stands.

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In the next post of my 3-part series on adjusting to a new cultural environment, I’m sharing some fast facts and perspectives on the topic. As you’ll learn, adjusting to a new environment can be a very challenging time in a person’s life – both for the individual and for those she is close to.

What Happens When Relocation Goes Wrong?

When people are unable to adjust successfully to a new environment, the result can mean much more than just general disappointment and a sooner-than-expected return home.

From an individual perspective, the person may experience:

• Increased family or interpersonal conflict
• Feelings of being a “failure”, “missing out” on a perceived opportunity, or being inadequate
• Diminished self-confidence and self-esteem levels
• Financial and time losses associated with relocation

From an employer’s perspective, a failed work relocation can mean:

• Lost or dropped contracts
• Angry, disappointed, or dissatisfied clients/customers
• Financial losses, sometimes significant
• Possibly having to select and prepare a new employee for the assignment

Did you know? Failed expatriation is estimated at around $2 billion in losses each year in the US alone.

Factors Involved in Assignment Failure

A survey of major American companies looked at what factors were involved in work assignment failure. The most common ones were:

• Partner dissatisfaction
• Family concerns
• An inability to adapt to a new environment
• Job performance issues

Another survey of 196 HR Managers (NFTC) indicated that the main causes of expatriation failures included:

• Inability of family to adapt to the new location
• Inability of the employee to adapt to the new location
• Voluntary termination
• Stated assignment objectives weren’t met

Here’s something to think about: Roughly 60% of early returns happen because of a “bad adaptation of the expatriates themselves or their family”, according to one source. Not only does the employee need to adapt to the overall cultural environment of the country, state, or region, but she must also adapt to the new company environment as well, which may be very different from the environment she is used to.

When Repatriated Employees Return Home

Multiple sources suggest that employees who spend time on a foreign assignment and eventually return home feel dissatisfied with their new assignments upon return and unappreciated or not respected for their global experience. One study found that 38% of repatriated employees voluntarily quit their firm within the first year of returning home.

For an employee returning to her home area, it can feel as though everything has changed. In reality, her home hasn’t necessarily changed – she herself has changed. Employees who live and work in unfamiliar or new cultural environments are changed in key ways; in fact, many go on to build new identities for themselves that often contain new meaning, goals, life and career perspectives, and so on.

“Those who take international assignments often feel fundamentally different after returning, yet they may not see their development reflected in their treatment by their firms,” explains Maria Kraimer of the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business.

As you can see, the topic of cultural adjustment to a new environment (whether that’s in the individual’s home country or abroad) is multifaceted. If there is one single takeaway, it’s that this adjustment is something that anyone who relocates to a new or unfamiliar environment will go through. And in the next and final post in this series, I’m going to talk about just that – and what you can do to boost your chances of a smooth transition.

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