Not long ago, I shared that introverts can be just as effective in leadership roles as extroverts. I’ve now discovered that about two-thirds of us are neither true introverts or extroverts. We’re actually ambiverts, which means we have aspects of both traits at our disposal.

When circumstances require it, an ambivert personality can be the outgoing extrovert or the quietly self-reflective introvert. The secret is knowing our dominant tendencies and how to apply them for success.

Think Continuum, Not Category

Picture a line with an arrow at each end. One arrow is labeled “Introvert” and the other “Extrovert.” Ambiverts can fall anywhere along that continuum, meaning they don’t fit specifically into one particular category.

While that might seem like a negative, the bonus is that you’re not bound by either category and can thrive in environments that might scare an introvert or bore an extrovert. That can be a huge advantage in any situation, business or personal.

As a recent Lifehack.com article describes it, “Being aware of which environments you flourish in can help you improve your relationships with others, choose a satisfying career and search for the right life partner.”

Understand The Pros And Cons

Despite the positives described above, it can also be difficult to have this hybrid personality type.

For example, an ambivert’s flexible nature makes it easy to adapt to new situations. You can be introverted, extroverted, or someone in-between. Sometimes, however, ambiverts can have “analysis paralysis” because they’re not sure which personality to present in a particular situation. There are so many options that it becomes overwhelming.

Knowing the downsides of this or any personality trait means you can handle them more effectively when they happen.

Discover Your Truth

It can take a little work to find where you fall on the personality spectrum. There are now as many online tests (try this one) to determine whether you’re an ambivert as there are assessments to reveal introvert or extrovert personalities. You can also sit down with a professional who specializes in this type of work.

Once you know more precisely whether you lean toward the introvert or extrovert side, you can use that understanding to create positive outcomes in every aspect of your life.

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Poor little No—the word we associate with disappointment, with not getting what we want, with negative reactions. But used appropriately, this tiny word has the power to create large amounts of business and personal success over and over again.

The key is learning when to say no, and how to make it stick.

Shift Your Perspective

Most humans get a good feeling from making others happy, which generally results from giving them what they desire. But what about our own wants and needs? These are also important, and it can require a change of mindset to remember that we are allowed to be good to ourselves—which sometimes translates into saying no.

What we turn down can have as much impact on our future as what we accept, whether we’re building our own business, deciding our next career move, or even choosing what projects to take on within our work team. Rejecting one thing gives us the opportunity to say yes to something that we really want or that we know is more suited to our strengths.

In a recent interview with Business Insider, actor Tom Hanks shared that turning down roles is what put him on the road to his mega-star status. “Saying yes, then you just work,” said Hanks. “But saying no means you made the choice of the type of story you wanted to tell and the type of character you want to play.”

Choose Your Battles

Over time, saying yes to things we don’t want will diminish our own perceived value and in turn lessen any help we could offer to others, so we have to get comfortable with making people aware of our intentions and desires.

Stephen Key, author of the One Simple Idea Series, discussed this in a recent Entreprenuer.com article titled “The Positive Power of Saying No.”

“What if you hurt someone’s feelings? What if this business opportunity never comes along again? Who are you to think you deserve more? But the truth is, when we stretch ourselves thin, we’re not helping anyone. I’ve discovered that when we’re willing to say no, we create an opportunity for a frank, open discussion of what we do want. And the only way to get what you want is to let it be known.”

Claim The Power Of No

If we have a sense that saying yes to something will ultimately be the wrong decision, we have the right to say no. We are entitled to choose the things that keep us growing personally and professionally, even if others don’t like it.

Saying no requires a choice, but the power of that choice can be the difference between living with joy and purpose versus never finding that which really fulfills us.

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I was honored to contribute to “Women Asking”, a project filmed by Charles Gupton Productions, featuring over a dozen women leaders who were speaking at a monthly meeting for professional women in the Raleigh-Durham, N.C., area.

The interviews were actually filmed over a four-month period, and the end result was a short film (view here) capturing our advice to women about why it’s so important to ask for what you need to be successful.

Ask for What You Want

For me, asking for what you need is really about taking bigger steps – bolder moves – and stepping up into who you are.

Here are some golden nuggets of insight from some of the other participants:

Eleanor Reid: “If you don’t ask, you can’t achieve your goals. You can’t reach your full potential.”

Vandana Shah: “We’re conditioned to compromise, to ask for less than what we want.”

Sheila Ogle: “It takes a certain amount of courage to ask for what you want. Always feel confident and secure in what you’re asking for.”

Start the Conversation

In a Psychology Today article, author Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. says, “With such a large percentage of our lives spent requesting money, special treatment, and favors from others, it would seem that we would all benefit from knowing the secrets from having our wants fulfilled.” When you stop and think about it, it’s so true – most of us do spend a lot of our lives asking for one thing or another – and responding to others requests to us.

That said, the next time you need to ask for something, start the conversation off right with these five key tips:

1. First, write it down. Know what you really want or need by writing it down first. This can help you maintain the clarity you need to express yourself in the best way possible.
2. Keep your request within reason. Think about what you’re asking for, and then consider who you’re asking. Try to gauge beforehand what that person can and will be willing to do for you.
3. Don’t offer TMI. As Whitbourne suggests, “Find one reason to make your request, and give that the biggest play possible in order to ensure that you’ll get a positive response in return.”
4. Be respectful. It’s easy to become so focused on our own needs that we lose sight of how another person is feeling. Pay attention to the other person – her body language and how she’s responding. If it seems like the other person is preoccupied or under stress, considering waiting until a better time.
5. Lose your expectations. High expectations can also mean the lows of big disappointments. Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, stay confident.

Remember, no single person gets what she wants 100% of the time. Start to see the experience of asking for what you want as an opportunity to grow – to learn more about yourself and those around you.

Need a little boost to help give you the confidence to ask for what you want? Sign up for my free e-series right here.

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