“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.”

–J. Michael Straczynski

We spend so much time doing, doing, doing…

Have you ever stopped long enough to ask yourself what’s the price you’re paying…to be going, going, going?

Isn’t it time you lived life to the fullest?

How Did We Get Where We Are?

In the Harvard Business Review, Tony Schwartz shares a comical story about a bullfrog: Put a frog in a boiling pot of water and instinct prompts it to jump out. Put the frog in cold water and he’s a happy frog. But gradually heat the water – the frog adjusts – and gets cooked. He didn’t pay attention to what was going on…and met his demise.

Do you feel like you’re the frog in the boiling water? Adjusting to the frenzied pace of life…not realizing the toll all that stress is taking? Especially now that the holiday season is in full swing, the stress can feel even more suffocating.

Studies have proven the more we’re stressed, the more our bodies go into fight or flight mode. Chronically being in that state is debilitating and has devastating effects on the body, as many of us are well aware.

How to Step Back and Actually, Step Ahead

Have you ever sought out elaborate ways to reduce stress? You want to ditch everything that’s overwhelming in your life but before you know it, you’re even more stressed out than before, trying to find all the answers. The solution? Take a step back. The easiest ways to lower stress are also some of the simplest:

1. Get enough sleep. The lack of a good night’s sleep affects our cognitive ability, our health, our mood, and how much we get done.
2. Take breaks during the day. As Schwartz notes, breathing deeply can clear the body of cortisol, a hormone that increases under stress.
3. Be gentle with yourself. So often, we’re our own worst enemies. Treat yourself with a little TLC and you might be surprised at the results…

Follow Life Lessons to Live Life to the Fullest

When his son Adam entered college, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. decided to write words of advice for him. Eventually, Life’s Little Instruction Book was born. As Brown explained: “We know we should be more understanding and thoughtful, more responsible, courageous and appreciative. It’s just that we sometimes need reminding.”

Brown is right. We all need reminding.

Here are a few entries from Life’s Little Instruction Book. I hope they brighten your day, your world, your life!

• Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.
• Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
• Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day.
• Say “thank you” a lot.
• Say “please” a lot.

And perhaps, most importantly:

Be forgiving of yourself and others.

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Staying true to your core values can be effortless when life is a smooth sail.

But what happens when the waters get rough? Do you flounder and sink?

Or do you take a deep breath – and swim forward?

“Core values serve as a lighthouse when the fog of life seems to leave you wandering in circles;

when you encounter that moment where every decision is a tough one and no choice seems

to clearly be the better choice.”
-J. Loren Norris

What Is Values-Based Leadership?

Values-based leadership is leading while remaining true to one’s values – not wavering or being swayed by circumstance or opinion. A leader can modify strategy or approaches to a problem, but never alters his or her core beliefs and principles.

As Harry M. Jansen Kraemer Jr. writes in Forbes, staying committed to your values is easy when things are going smoothly, but when what he calls the 3 C’s occur – change, controversy, and crises – a leader must clarify and corroborate his leadership values. That’s a lot of C’s!

“In a trying time, the actions and reactions of a leader reveal his or her personal and organizational values to the world. That is when you must rely on the four principles of values-based leadership to help you see clearly as you chart the course forward,” asserts Kraemer.

Those four principles are: 

• Self-confidence
• Humility
• Balance
• Self-reflection

As Kraemer notes, change, controversy and crises are certain to occur, but relying on the four principles will glean a fourth ‘c’ – courage.

Characteristics of Values-Based Leadership

Retired President and CEO of Proctor and Gamble Bob McDonald shared his own list of character traits of a values-based leader in a 2009 appearance at the Kellogg School of Management – a list he culled in his two-decade career. Topping his list:

Lead a life guided by purpose. – “Only work for a company you believe in,” said McDonald.

He also cites character as the paramount trait of a leader, noting the importance of integrity and the ability to acknowledge mistakes. Inspiring employees with the atmosphere of success is crucial, noted McDonald, explaining that success is contagious.

The Saylor Foundation names self-reflection as a key characteristic of a values-based leader, noting it enhances a person’s understanding of herself. Other key traits are:

• Balance -considering all approaches before making decisions.
• Humility – not putting oneself above others.
• Self-confidence – every leader needs to believe in herself, noting her strengths and asking for help in areas of weakness.

Unlike many common so-called leaders, a values-based leader is selfless, guided into action by the needs of others, instead of a lust for power, fame or money.

An Authentic Leader Shares His Story

While we oftentimes read of a leader’s business expertise and background, their personal achievements go untold. Tony Clement, Vice President, analytics, at Big Spaceship, shared his story in Forbes, explaining how his Navy SEAL Training educated him on being a better leader.

Clements took part in Kokoro Training, a 50-hour physical challenge which replicates the Navy SEAL’s Hell Week. In his first attempt at the course, Clement fell short. In 30 non-stop hours in grueling 105 degree heat, he pushed himself, but explained he did not have the mental resolve to complete the event.

Eight weeks later he returned, noting that facing his fears would be an opportunity to learn through humility, a lesson learned in the SEALs. “After 50 more hours of hell, I made it,” he said. He came away with key principles.

One that stands out: It’s never, ever about you.

Clement says when you’re hurting, find someone who is feeling worse than you – and do something for them. It helps them get through their ordeal – and it takes your own mind off your pain…a win-win situation.

As Clement so accurately states: true leaders never question the end zone. It’s never a matter of if. It’s just a question of how.

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“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
-C. G. Jung

So you have a title after your name and an important position in the business world.

Does it mean that you’re a real leader?

Maybe. Maybe not.

The great leaders of history may have had titles and designations after their names, but they all also possessed one powerful platform: authenticity.

They were genuine. They didn’t need to copy anyone else. The world knew of their tremendous accomplishments – and they were made aware of their weaknesses, too. People saw them as real people, with strengths – and frailties.

Henna Inam once said, “If we try to emulate the leadership style of others we perceive as successful, we end up being second-rate versions of someone else.”

What Defines Authentic Leadership

If you were to ask a dozen people what makes an authentic leader, you’d probably get a dozen different answers. Authenticity is something you don’t define in yourself, as Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones explain in the Harvard Business Review. “No leader can look into a mirror and say, ‘I am authentic.’ Authenticity is largely defined by what other people see in you and, as such, can to a great extent be controlled by you.”

Managing your authenticity is similar to the behavior of a chameleon. An authentic leader adapts to his environment; he doesn’t change his core values. “Highly attuned to their environments, they rely on an intuition born of formative, sometimes harsh experiences to understand the expectations and concerns of the people they seek to influence,” the authors write.

It’s not the schmooze talk we’re so used to hearing from politicians and others. It’s a genuine quality that Goffee and Jones admit is in short supply. “Leaders and followers both associate authenticity with sincerity, honesty, and integrity. It’s the real thing—the attribute that uniquely defines great leaders.”

What Authentic Leaders Do

While there are varied opinions on what comprises authenticity, several core traits can be said to characterize an authentic leader. They:

• Are courageous
• Lead from the heart
• Speak the truth
• Have a rich moral fiber
• Don’t let a fear of judgement hinder them
• Don’t try to please everyone (because they know it’s not possible)

Authentic leaders know themselves. As Ronald Riggio, Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today, the roots of authentic leadership are derived from Greek philosophy, centered on the core virtues of prudence, temperance and justice.

People want to be led by someone real, noted Goffee and Jones. “This is partly a reaction to the turbulent times we live in.” The recent terrorist attacks in Paris are a harsh reality of a brand of violence becoming an increasingly common means of expression. Is it any wonder that the world seeks – and needs – authentic leaders?

Are You Living An Authentic Life?

When we stray from our core values, the very inner of our being, we see our lives fall off track. Panache Desai writes in the Huffington Post of the tell-tale signs that you’re not living authentically:

• You flounder… you dread your job, the one you used to love. You may feel empty.
• You’re often overwhelmed, frustrated, or worn out – you know something’s definitely amiss in your life.
• You feel like you’re being punished

We can all admit to experiencing any or all of those signs, or of simply not “feeling ourselves.” That’s a sign that you’ve strayed from your core values. It’s a wake-up call!

Be who you are – regardless of whether other people like it or not. You’ll find it extraordinary!

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In The Neuroscience of Leadership, authors David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz explain that success simply isn’t possible if the everyday behaviors of all people within an entire organization remain unchanged. “But changing behavior is hard, even for individuals, and even when new habits can mean the difference between life and death,” assert the authors.

Interestingly, studies have even indicated that only about one in nine individuals who have undergone coronary bypass surgery will go on to adopt healthier habits. For those who do not move toward healthier behaviors, they evidently do not see a value associated with a change in behavior.

Perceived Value – The Missing Link in the Change Equation?

Statistics like these clearly demonstrate how challenging it can be to change the ways of an entire organization. I recently read an article in the NeuroLeadership Journal called Lead Change with the Brain, where the authors stated that even in the best of circumstances, organizational transformations only have overall success rates of about 30%.

What is one of the greatest obstacles to achieving a successful transformation within an organization? If you guessed maintaining employee engagement and motivation, you’d be correct, according to the authors of the article. Just as patients who undergo major surgery must see a significant value connected to changing their life habits, employees must see a value in wide-scale organizational change.

Change Begins With You…

In an HBR article on mindfulness, author Bill George recalls the financial crisis of 2008, saying, “The crisis exposed the fallacies of measuring success in monetary terms and left many leaders with a deep feeling of unease that they were being pulled away from what I call their True North.”

So, the big question is: as a leader, how can you drive change – while staying connected to your “True North”? Mindfulness. As it turns out, the practice of mindfulness isn’t just good for your overall wellbeing – it can strengthen your abilities as a leader, too.

The techniques below may seem overly simple – but that’s just the point. Mindfulness need not be an elaborate or challenging practice.

1. Listen attentively. How many times have you met someone, only to forget her name moments later? It’s happened to the best of us. The next time you’re engaged in conversation with someone, try listening mindfully without being distracted by everything else that might be going on around you – or even, by your own inner thoughts. If you do this consistently, you’ll notice a big improvement in your relationships.
2. Speak mindfully. Have you ever stopped to think about how other people perceive what you’re saying? You may react to something someone has said without giving any real thought to it. Or, you might just start speaking the instant a thought pops into your head. Pause a few seconds before speaking to give yourself a chance to think about how you can respond in the best possible way.
3. Try a writing meditation. You’ve probably heard that writing or journaling has many benefits. Here’s a unique approach: Pick out a favorite meditation or affirmation that has meaning to you. Then write it out by hand for 10-15 minutes each day. What’s the point? It’s thought that the words literally “imprint themselves on your subconscious”. In time, you’ll notice shifts in your behavior, in the way you perceive others, and in your general attitudes and feelings.

Charles Francis, director of the Mindfulness Meditation Institute and author of Mindfulness Made Simple: Your Guide to Finding True Inner Peace, explains the far-reaching impact these practices can have on you as a leader:

“Leaders who see the far-reaching consequences of their actions, and those of their organizations, become more than just leaders. They become visionaries.”

As a leader, what mindfulness practice has the most meaning for you? Share your comments below!

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Things don’t always go right.

In your personal life and in your business world, it’s not always smooth sailing.

Yet, learning from challenges provides vital knowledge and experience for handling the next setback that’s inevitably going to come along.   The way you react to a challenge can set the stage for success or failure.

And resilience can bring rewarding results.

Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones

Gill Corkindale writes in the Harvard Business Review about the incredible power gleaned from resiliency. At a conference he was coaching for international leaders, he learned the story of Atef, now a senior VP at a bank in the United States.

Atef grew up in the West Bank, a region of strife. He had no formal education. When Atef was 15, his father died, leaving him to provide for his family. From waiting on tables to driving taxi, Atef saved enough to educate himself and earned a scholarship to a school in the United States. He took a low paying job at a bank, worked his way up and was rewarded with a promotion at the age of 35. Sponsored by the bank, Atef earned his MBA at a premier business school.

Atef stated that facing – and overcoming – all the adversity in his early life shaped him. Whatever challenges faced him, he became determined to overcome them. That steadfastness has given him a discipline of balance and assuredness.

Today’s Students are Tomorrow’s Leaders

Atef’s story showcases how dealing positively and successfully with life’s problems as they come along go a long way in building resiliency. Yet something has happened to resiliency in today’s youth.

In Psychology Today, Peter Gray discusses how colleges are dealing with well, a rather wimpy attitude among students over common, everyday events. He cites an example of two students who called the police – and later sought counseling – when they discovered a mouse in their apartment. He notes students are regularly seeking help for everyday problems in life, from receiving a low grade on a paper to being name called.

Facing problems – not shrinking from them – breeds resiliency. It’s a basic concept in life that needs to be focused on, not tip-toed around.

Psychologist Carol Dweck discovered a striking difference between individuals who believed change was a part of growth compared to those who felt their abilities were not changeable. She found that those who believed their abilities were fluid achieved significantly better results when faced with formidable tasks.

Building Resiliency in Leadership

Becoming a successful leader means overcoming challenges and discovering innovative ways to tackle problems. If fear enters the mindset, it can paralyze our progress.

In Forbes, Megan Biro lists ways to be a more resilient leader. She cautions leaders to become aware that when things go wrong, it’s not all about you. Many factors can play into poor performance. Don’t be Atlas and attempt to carry the world on your shoulders – you can only do so much. And of course, positive thinking is a must, along with relationship building.

Within an organization, social and emotional intelligence is vital to the success of an organization. And when we develop social and emotional intelligence in the workplace, we begin to see stronger leadership and a more productive, rewarding and yes, resilient, environment.

As a leader, you’ve faced obstacles to get where you are today. Share your experiences below and inspire others to see how your resiliency led you to your success!

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.”

-Robert Jordan

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