“Goals give you a compass in order to direct your path through life. Goals focus your thoughts and actions on areas that have precise purpose and meaning.”

– Catherine Pulsifer

What a perfect time of year to set goals – a New Year can bring a New You! For women, this can be a daunting task – so intimidating that they’ll make excuses to avoid setting goals due to fears of failing – not only failing themselves, but failing others.

Women tend to be trapped in a dog-chasing-his-tail syndrome – doing so much for others – doing more and trying to do things better – they oftentimes find themselves completely drained of any real time for themselves.

Sound familiar?

There’s good news. It doesn’t have to be that way!

Goal Setting – A Course of Action

Every achievement, big or small, begins in your mind.

– Mary Kay Ash

The hardest part of any new undertaking is starting. So don’t overwhelm yourself – keep your goals realistic. Remember, every expert was once a beginner. We all started learning to walk by taking baby steps – one foot in front of the other.

Goal setting is no different. Achieve small goals – step by step – and you’ll find yourself accomplishing goals you once thought were unattainable! And during the process, you’ll find yourself feeling better about yourself!

Start your New Year by goal setting:

1. Acknowledge what you want to change. Write it down.
2. Create a goal for yourself to accomplish change.
3. Create a path to achieve this.
4. Keep track of your progression.
5. Treat yourself when a goal is accomplished – celebrate!

Avoiding the Pitfalls of Goal Setting

Don’t let your goals consume you. While it’s an important objective, don’t let it interfere with your daily living, what Allison Foskett calls Achievement Addiction. Focusing on only one thing can be detrimental to your well-being. Learn to let go and be real with yourself.

Don’t overwhelm yourself! Remember, women tend to do too much all the time. You are not superwoman. Remember those baby steps – you had to learn to walk before you could run!

Don’t set yourself up for failure. Give yourself time to achieve your goals. As Foskett so accurately states: “Remember, goals are meant to enhance our lives and our happiness, not detract from it.”

Make SMART Goals

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.
-Nora Roberts

Goals need to be SMART:

Specific. Is the goal something you really desire to achieve? Or is it someone else’s goal for you?

Measureable. Create your own criteria to measure how you’re progressing. This allows you to keep track of your progress – and reward yourself for accomplishing steps along the way!

Attainable. When you write down what goals are important, you will find yourself naturally developing yourself to achieve them. You will see things in a new light – opening your awareness to new ways to achieve.

Realistic. Don’t overwhelm yourself before you even start! Be real with yourself and your goals. If you want to conquer your fear of heights, for example, you wouldn’t sign up for a job washing windows on the 30^th floor of a high rise. A more realistic goal would be to start rung by rung on a ladder at home – where you’re comfortable – and can graduate from a six-foot ladder to the roof peak at your own pace!

Timely. Without giving yourself a time frame to achieve your goals, you put yourself in limbo, with no real checklist to measure your progress.

Don’t let fear hold you back from setting goals – and achieving them. The sense of accomplishment you’ll feel will propel you towards higher goals – and a greater sense of fulfillment.

What a win-win situation!

Do you want to talk about your goals for 2015? Apply for a Bolder Moves Discovery Session. Or, contact me via email or by visiting my website, BolderMoves.com, anytime!

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Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.

-Anthony J. D’Angelo

As a leader, continuing your education isn’t just another “to-do” to cross off your list – it’s an investment in your future.

Students who work in leadership roles in college are poised to be successful in the workforce once they’ve finished their degree, according to the Education Insider News Blog. And, progressive organizations invest in their employees’ education and development to find – and keep – the right talent.

How Leaders Benefit from Education

Whether you’re still working on your degree, about to embark on a new educational path, or are thinking about developing your leadership skills through training courses and seminars, the benefits you can expect to receive are tremendous:

• Enhance your communication and management skills.
• Learn negotiation or conflict-resolution skills.
• Network with peers, instructors, school administrators, and leaders in partner organizations.
• Develop a new skill set or master a skill you already have.
• Build your own “leadership toolkit” with the tools, skills, knowledge and relationships you need to advance your career.

A 2011 paper, “Do Educated Leaders Matter?”, investigated a sample of political leaders between 1875 and 2004 to find out whether the identity of a leader matters for economic growth and whether more educated leaders generate higher growth.

In their concluding comments, the authors say that they found evidence in favor of both hypotheses. “One of the most robust findings in empirical research is the importance of education in explaining economic outcomes,” the authors explain.

Confidence and Education: A Two-Way Street

Many of my previous posts have talked about the importance in confidence – confidence in women, confidence in leadership, confidence in life. The topic of confidence can also be brought up in any discussion of education.

Building your self-confidence is an important step in furthering your education – and expanding your knowledge is also a great way to gain confidence and eliminate insecurity!

3 Easy Confidence Building Tips

A 2012 post on the Franklin University blog gives some great tips to help anyone develop the self-confidence needed to earn a degree.

Here are some of my favorite tips – note that these can be applied to many situations – whether you’re still earning your degree, planning to go back to college in the future, or advancing your career through leadership development courses or other training.

Face your fears. Especially as we get older, trying something new can be challenging. It’s tempting to run away to escape from the uncomfortable feeling of trying something new, but I encourage you to take on the challenge head on. Envision yourself celebrating a successful outcome.

Take small steps. If something seems impossible to you, try looking at it from a different perspective: instead of tackling it head on, take one small step of action at a time and repeat. Over time, these small steps will encourage you to make bolder moves. Take a class in a subject you find challenging, ask an instructor or a peer for help, or accept an offer you might otherwise decline.

Accept – and learn from – your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. There will be times when you feel embarrassed, lost, or defeated. You’ll always be able to find someone you perceive as being smarter or somehow better than you. You won’t always get along with everyone – or make everyone like you. That’s just life. Learn from your mistakes – but don’t beat yourself up over them. Accept yourself and focus on the qualities that make you shine.

Concluding Thoughts

Whatever path you’re on, no matter what industry you’re in, no matter how well-versed you think you are, the benefits you’ll gain from continuing to pursue new knowledge are huge.

If you want to learn 5 easy confidence tips you can start putting into practice today, sign up for my completely free e-series today! This series will give you the foundation you need to start building confidence in all areas of your life.

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How can women be the best in their careers when they don’t believe they can be?

Statistics reveal the facts: It’s still a man’s world. From Congress to corporations, men dominate.

Recent studies now provide some clues as to why women lag behind. While there has been legislation and equal rights supporting women, evidence shows that women are holding themselves back.

We’re allowing a lack of confidence, self-doubt, and worries about other people’s opinions to rule our world.

Are we really sabotaging our own success? Just what are we doing to ourselves?

How Women Are Standing in Their Own Way

“The statistics are well known: at the top, especially, women are nearly absent, and our numbers are barely increasing. Half a century since women first forced open the boardroom doors, our career trajectories still look very different from men’s.”

 -Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Confidence Gap

Self doubt tops the list. It plagues women. Instead of believing we deserved that promotion, we say we were just lucky.

Studies show men overestimate their abilities and performance while women underestimate both. Yet their performances do not differ in quality.

Women doubt themselves far more than men. They won’t apply for a job if they don’t think they have all the qualifications. Men will apply even if they don’t think they meet the qualifications.

In one study, women applied for a promotion only when they met 100 percent of the qualifications. Men applied when they met 50 percent.

Too often, we sell ourselves short and don’t think we are worth the risk or effort, whereas men tend to value their ability more and see themselves as an asset.

Low self-confidence is a real downer. Psychologist Cameron Anderson, from the University of California at Berkeley business school, has studied overconfidence throughout his career. His studies show confidence is just as important as competence.

“When people are confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of confident nonverbal and verbal behavior,” says Anderson.

Many women sabotage their own success by continually displaying signs suggestive of low confidence levels. We tend to say “I’m sorry” all the time, giving an impression of low self-esteem.

We’re taught to be peacemakers, so we’re inclined to agree even when we really don’t. Sometimes we smile not because we’re really happy, but because we’d rather not upset the status quo.

Worrying about what others think is the worst. A November 1999 study entitled “The Impact of Gender on the Review of the Curricula Vitae of Job Applicants and Tenure Candidates: A National Empirical Study,” provides many startling findings that reveal just how much women are their own worst enemies.

The extensive study revealed that when men and women apply for a job with the same qualifications and resumes, oftentimes it’s the male that gets the job.

And, women are more likely to experience social isolation and lack of peer support in many institutions. Assertive women are viewed more negatively than men who are equally assertive.

Men who are assertive are applauded as ambitious go-getters; women, on the other hand, are seen as pushy, overbearing, or haughty.

Women often feel a strong need to be “liked” or thought of in high regard. We worry about what other people might think of us. We worry that we’re not as successful – or pretty – or smart – as the next person.

We worry that we’re not “good enough” or that we don’t have the “right qualifications”. We compare ourselves to others all the time. And we worry way more than we should.

How To Gain Your Seat At the Table

While it’s disheartening to learn how women sabotage themselves, don’t despair!

Learn from the studies. Take aim at your saboteurs. With effort and persistence, you can overcome the pitfalls that are keeping you from achieving the success you deserve.

At the December 2014 Massachusetts Conference for Women, Academy Award Winning Actress Lupita Nyong’o shared her “tools” for fearlessly following your dreams.

Really let No. 6 sink in: “Go for it and always allow failure to be an option.”

And as Lupita says so accurately: “Step forward and repeat it all. With each step and challenge, expect to learn these lessons again and again.

Many of the research findings prove one clear fact:

To become more confident, women need to stop thinking so much… and just act.

Take the first step.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Are your struggles with self-confidence standing in the way of your dreams? Sign up for my completely FREE confidence e-series today to learn the 5 confidence steps you need to know to achieve your next big goal in a BOLDER way!

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It’s a man’s world.

How many times have we heard our mothers tell us that?

Problem is – she’s right.

In a world where we constantly hear of women’s rights, equal rights, and the ever-familiar saying, “you’ve come a long way, baby,” we’re not quite there yet.

According to a Rutgers Fact Sheet, there are 535 seats in Congress. Women currently hold 100 seats, or just 18.7%. Of that 535, women hold 20 seats in the Senate and 80 in the House of Representatives.

Of the 197 heads of state, only 22 are women.

Of the top 500 companies by revenue, only 21 are headed by women.

But before we point the finger anywhere, we have to look to ourselves.

How Do We Sabotage Our Success?

Here are some common ways women undermine their own success:

1. We say “I’m Sorry” all the time. You may not realize it, but women do a lot of apologizing – for things they don’t need to be apologizing for! For example: You’re at the copier alongside a co-worker and it starts jamming papers. “I’m sorry,” you say. For what?!

Start keeping a mental note of just how many times you’re saying this in social situations. Once you’re aware of it, swallow that apology. Speak from a place of confidence, not cowardice.

2. We’re always striving for perfection. No one is perfect. No one is superwoman. Stop comparing yourself to other women, thinking they’re doing it all or doing it better. We’re all individuals, with our plusses and minuses.

The road to perfection leads to one destination – burnout. There is no such thing as “perfect” – so stop trying to achieve something that doesn’t exist.

3. Our internal dialogue leaves a lot to be desired. What you continually think, you become. Don’t keep putting yourself down – keep your thoughts positive. Replace that negative self-talk with empowering, success-oriented thoughts instead.

4. We care too much about what others think of us. Remember, it’s just their opinion. And you’re interpreting their opinion. Stop wasting your valuable mental energy worrying about what others think about you. Remain authentic and aligned with your values instead.

5. We display tell-tale signs of a lack of confidence. Don’t use a weak tone of voice. Don’t end your sentences with a question. Speak confidently, clearly, and concisely.

As Forbes.com contributor Kathy Caprino says, if your “no” really means “yes,” “ok” or “maybe,” (meaning you simply can’t stand up for yourself or are afraid to say “no”) — then you won’t achieve what you want – financially or otherwise.

Success tip: Don’t forget to be aware of your body language at all times. For instance, don’t twirl your hair like a nervous schoolgirl – you’ll be perceived as one.

6. We run away from situations. Forbes.com contributor Kathy Caprino calls this the “pendulum effect,” where you run from one thing to another to avoid the thing you think is causing your difficulty.

You know how it goes – you’re burned out, frustrated, maybe even disillusioned by something – so you feel like you have to escape the situation just to survive. But, if you can work in the here and now to improve your situation, you’re going to come out of it bolder, more confident in your abilities, and ready to take on the next big challenge.

7. We don’t celebrate our achievements. Give yourself credit for your accomplishments! Don’t keep going and going without that mental boost – use all your past achievements to propel you forward to new, bolder heights of success.

8. We sometimes forget to dress for the office. Don’t dress for the nightclub. If you wear plunging necklines, super-short skirts or too much makeup, people notice that – and not your business sense.

We all have many aspects of our personality – analytical/logical, creative/thoughtful. You can express your fashion sense and your feminine side – and integrate the masculine side, too. Combining your best features makes for the most effective presentation.

9. We’re actually afraid of our own success. “I call it your “success set point” – the point at which, if exceeded, you become uncomfortable and afraid of your success (or love, or financial reward, or health, etc.)” says Kathy Caprino.

How often we think we’ll jinx ourselves if we’re too successful. Stop worrying. You’re capable of more than you realize.

Conclusion

Looking back through history, women have come a long way. The blueprint is there. Legislation has been passed and some doors have opened.

More doors can open as we believe in ourselves- really believe. If you relate to any of the 9 ways women sabotage themselves, get serious about overcoming it. The rewards will be well worth it.

In an upcoming post, I’m going to delve more deeply into three of the top ways you may be undermining your success – and what you can do about it.

If you’re tired of sabotaging your own success and you’re ready to gain the tools you need to boost your chances of becoming a respected, admired, and recognized business leader, check out my course, “The Three “D”s to Gaining a Seat at the Table”.

This course is all about inspiring and empowering business women to build the confidence, clarity, and structure needed to make BOLDER moves and soar to higher levels!

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In my last post, I asked you to “dare” to live confidently, and now, I’m going to help you get started with five easy affirmations you can use to build your confidence.

Building confidence isn’t something that happens overnight – think of it instead as an exciting journey. Here are some simple, fully customizable affirmations you can start using today to replace some of your negative internal dialogue.

1. I AM [choose 1-3 of the terms below, or come up with one of your own].

Example: I AM empowered, strong, and courageous.

2. Every day, I AM growing in[name the areas you want to grow in] to be the woman I am destined to be.

Example: Every day, I AM growing in confidence, in wisdom, and in knowledge to be the woman I am destined to be.

3. I have already achieved [name your past accomplishments]. I CAN accomplish anything I set my mind to!

Example: Build on your past achievements with this one!

I have already received the certification I need to advance and I’ve connected with mentors who are helping me. I CAN accomplish anything I set my mind to!

4. I refuse to allow what others say affect me. What matters is what I believe about myself and how I react.

Example: Get specific here. If you allowed something someone said in the past to really affect you, now is your time to transcend above it.

I refuse to allow what my manager said about my personality to affect me. What matters is what I believe about myself and how I react.

5. I deserve [tell yourself what you know you deserve]. I deserve ALL that is good!

Example: I deserve to share my talents with the world and to be appreciated. I deserve ALL that is good!

Your Declaration of Confidence

Mentally create and sign your own Declaration of Confidence to declare your freedom from the self-doubts, limiting beliefs, and negative perceptions that have been holding you back from being your best self.

Don’t get discouraged – embrace every little milestone, stay committed, and in time, I know you’re going to watch your confidence levels climb to new heights!

Are you ready to declare your freedom from the negative self-talk that has been keeping you from advancing in your career? Apply for a Bolder Moves Discovery Session. Or, contact me via email or by visiting my website, BolderMoves.com, anytime!

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